Monday, January 23, 2012

I Borrowed Trouble....AGAIN...

As I said in my previous post we went to see Dale and Chantel. We arrived Thursday night and returned last night (Sunday), well honestly it was crazy early Monday by the time we got home. We ran into some frustrating little hiccups all night long once at the airport in Denver, but we managed, as usual.

As soon as I walked in the door I felt lighter. Not for any other reason, but because I was tired of feeling blue. I was tired of carrying around trouble.

You see, we went to church in Fort Lupton and I could feel the spirit as soon as we sat down. Den got a prophecy by Bro. Zach (the deliverance was crystal clear and I found out later it was his first prophecy to speak), but not one word spilled over to me. I had been praying and praying and I was sure that this was THAT moment, and that's when it happened....I borrowed trouble....a whole heap of it.

I picked up a burden that I didn't need to carry. Once I placed in on my heart tears began to fall. My inner voice began to talk to the Lord, "What was I going to do?" "How could He not speak to me AGAIN?" I felt shunned. I felt crushed...heart broken...and that's where it got it's strong hold around my heart and it was painful..heavy...burdensome.

I prayed about it, but the focus on the pain was too deep. I could hear this tiny voice in the back of my own fierce voice saying, "All is well. All is well." But I didn't believe it. In fact, it stole my joy the rest of that day. I put on a brave face after a bit, but my heart was still bound up. So very very bound up....

Den and I stayed relatively quiet from the Denver airport on....I had a headache and he had a lot to consider in his own life, I'm sure. But then as we got off the plane and was driving home we began to count our blessings out loud. How beautiful Portland was, how just sleeping in our bed sounded so delicious that late at night, seeing the boys in the morning all began to lighten my borrowed burden. Then I started to hear that voice a little louder....a little clearer. "All is well today."

I began to remind myself of the ministry that went forth that very day, at that point it seemed almost like a lifetime ago. I thought it went into my heart at church, but I realized when I picked up this burden I lost it all. But as Den and I began to count our blessings I could remember. I remembered about hope, courage, temperance. It was coming back to me now.

When we got to our house, I dropped it at the door. I seriously did. I didn't bring it in with me. Now it's right outside, I can feel it. I'll be tempted to go get it from time to time, because I know my flesh, but it won't be good for me. Somehow that burden is tempting though.

So this morning, while still laying in the dark of the morning I began to recount Dale and Chantel's answered prayers (those little girls) and I had more courage. I looked up at the ceiling of an old house that God promised us before we ever left Brewster, and it made me grateful. I thought about all the answered prayers that God has delivered on and I had hope, courage and a smile on my face.

I don't have the strength to add the DIS to my courage today. No, today all I need is the courage that God gave me. Help me not to put upon myself things that are not of thee, Lord.

(Roman is playing around quietly on the piano, Bo has sat in my lap for a really long time quietly letting me kiss on him, and the boys are all giving me kisses telling me how much they missed us. Today, life is good. Today I am blessed. Forgive me Lord for my shortcomings, and thank you for all that you give me anyway!)


Bev said...

Thank-you, for writing this, today. It touched my heart, as this is a battle that I have been fighting, also. I have been praying that God will give me the faith and strength that I need to give Him all of my worries and fears and leave them with Him. How peaceful and free I would feel! The times, that I have been able to do this, felt so wonderful. I was able to rejoice in God's goodness and love. Take care of yourself. I really enjoy reading your blogs. Love you <3

Anonymous said...

You have such a gift for writing and when sharing something this close to the heart it is very touching. We all have our battles but most of us aren't brave enough to share. When reading about your struggle it reminds me that I am not alone in my fight in this faith. Sometimes it can seem that others simply live the faith and make all the right choices easily and painlessly, but we all have our battles and it is encouraging to hear how you overcame this fight for today. We battle daily and to get through one day at a time with the Lord is a success!

Trina said...

Thank you Bev and Chantel for taking the time to post a comment. It meant a great deal to me....<3

Aimy said...

beautiful post... I don't really know what more to say.

Fifi said...

Hi Trina!!!! It's been a while since I've popped over.... Will catch up on all your news now. Wow I see you are going to be a granny!!

Trina said...

It's soooo good to hear from you Fifi! Yes, Im going to be a granny, but I think I will be called Nana!! I am so excited!! We all are!! March is the month, and the countdown has begun!