Today, I have been pondering about the little one that I am carrying. The little one I don't know yet. Gale asked me, in her comment, about my feeling of having six. She said it was a pivotal time for her, and wondered if I may feel the same. I would say, yes. It has made me think about so many things, though. It feels so much bigger than being a mother to six at this point. Its about where I thought I would be at my age, and where I am. I figured I would be done with pregnancies and babies at 36, but here I sit, carrying another. Strange, indeed.
I think if you ask any of my friends from my childhood they would all say that they believed I would be the mother of a few. I just never REALLY knew how many I wanted. Some say 2 with such confidence, or we want 4, and here is why. I never had that answer with the pure commitment that so many of my friends have had. I can't answer why, except the Lord has kept my heart wide open. I never dreamed of having girls either, but I never saw myself with a lineage of sons. Again my mind has been wide open. I can't imagine life any different now. Now I am just committed to a large family. My heart runneth over when I look at my boys. Each one is a great joy to me and Den. We talk about how thankful we are for them daily. They are a gift from God.
Someday, to say that I am mother of six does seem strange. My grandmother said it, and I know plenty of sisters who say it to this day. I have always admired them for their willingness to give it all to the Lord. I am grateful to be in the running. My eyes can tear up with complete gratitude that God saw me fit enough to have children at all, because honestly I am not special. I guess I am just willing and he is giving. Its a great combination. However, I know that there are those who want children and can't have them, but God has a special plan and reason in all of our lives. Why he chooses who he chooses I don't understand.
I will have my days of complaint as the morning sickness increases, and stays with me through October. However, I also know that without the morning sickness my little one will probably not make it. It is a good sign for my body. Although I hate it, I have learned to appreciate what it means on this journey.
For now, I feel humbled that the Lord answered me and Den's prayer. We didn't prayer for another, but that He would show us His will. We had a small part to do with it, however all life is from the Lord. Only He can give it, and take it away. So thank you Lord for another opportunity. Your will be done.