Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Could It Be This Simple?

I am trying to be better about taking care of my husband. The other day I was talking to Cheryl, who is reading a book titled, "Created to be His Help Meet". Its a wonderful book, that I hope she lets me borrow when she is done..*hint hint*. We have had some inspirational conversations about this book, and a rekindled desire to be a better wife, the way God intended. Some of the statements in this book were so basic, and yet so profound. You think it can't possibly be that simple to make your husband that happy, but it is. Well at least

The other day, Den and I were driving to Wal-Mart with the boys to buy our bi-weekly 2 tons of groceries. On our way, I asked Den what he had envisioned his wife to bring to his life. He quickly ( a little too quickly) said, "I thought she would be like my Mom. " Ugghhh.... I knew what he meant Now I think I am a pretty good cook, but I don't live, breathe, and obsess over meal planning by any stretch of the means. His Mom, on the other hand, was a terrific little chef, but more memorably SPOILED her two sons and husband with it. She would get up in the morning and literally take orders. She was a regular short order cook. Dennis loved this about his Mom, who has since passed on, and so this makes it all the more difficult to compete with, if you know what I mean. Anyway, she relished cooking for her family, she owned every cookbook that man ever made, and she thought about each meal everyday throughout her day. I, on the otherhand, feel like I barely have time to breathe with 5 boys and homeschooling.

Anyway, I knew I was probably shooting myself in the foot when I asked the, "What was your vision", question, but I say dont ask a question that you don't want the answer to. Truthfully I already knew what his answer would most likely be. So I responded, through gritted teeth, but reminding myself it should be a smile. I carefully interperted what I thought he meant "Sooo, what you are saying is that you would like to have more planned meals at designated times. " A little bit of doubt had settled into his eyes as he knew that this was a potential sore spot, so he began the, "I love you for who you are", and "You are amazing with this and that", bit. Which I decided to believe...hehehe, but I said, "No, I asked because I want to know, and I am going to try harder."

Now ladies, hang with me on this. I felt pressed to make more of an effort. This book had said how even dinner can make a man feel special, because it makes an important statement to him, one that says you have been thinking about him throughout your day. That by coming home to a warm dinner he will equate this with love. Its truly the same thing as when a man takes out the trash without having to be asked. I believe that we should always desire to grow and improve ourselves, and why not with the ones we love the most. So, on our grocery excursion I started having a plan, and as I was asking if he would like sour cream enchiladas for this day and salmon fettucine alfredo for this one, his eyes had stars in them. He actually became giddy!

So I have followed through with this plan everyday since Saturday. In fact, I have even called him to ask what time he thinks he will be home so I can have dinner on the table. This man has been on cloud nine. I am thinking that with just a little more foresight and preparation on my behalf, he has had a bounce to his step, a giggle to his voice, a rekindling of his love for me, and dare I say even life? I have been dumbfounded by what a little food has done for him. Let me make it clear however, that Dennis has never been abused in this area, but as far as when dinner is served, or how my attitude was while throwing something together last minute out of exhaustion, well I may have fallen short from time to time. I have been amazed how this relatively small gift has had such a healthy happy impact on him. I truly want to be a wonderful Help Meet to him, and I have seen the more I am willing to do for him the more joyous he is about doing for me. I know that is Basics 101 in any relationship course. I think we all need to be reminded though, step back and reevaluate ourselves, and question if there is an area where we can make an improvement. And you know what gals? *smiling* He brought home my favorite drink tonight, just because. He's so worth it!!


KristieSue said...

Hi I found your blog from reading comments on Beth's blog. I just read your last post and I need to check out that book. I read the book The Excellant Wife by Martha Peace and it helped me a lot to see where Gods place for me was. Sadly in the last year I've drifted far from my place as a keeper of my home... I'm working again and struggling to find time to get everything done. It's hard to find your way back when you stray from Gods intended path. Good luck to you and your family God Bless you.

jeneflower said...

Thanks, I needed to hear this post. Our dinners are usually something frozen that was heated in the microwave. It is hard to find food that he likes and the kids like- so that our family has a peaceful meal. Still working on this.

Thought you might be interested in this:

$500 a month for blogging about mom stuff

Adventures In Babywearing said...

This will be long- I have saved this list- it's originally from a 1950's home ec textbook! I have to say that it has some good basics here!
1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

Trina said...

kristiesue: It is hard when you have made a pattern for yourself to go in a differnt direction. But there is no day like the present to get started. I hope I have encouraged you, because there is no better feeling then doing the right thing.

Jen: I have been trying to be more prepared across the board anymore. Its amazing how life can just run away with you. I know that trying to please everyone at the dinner can be a challenge. We have experienced this many times, but its been improving by leaps and bounds. Thanks so much for the website, I will look into it! :)

Stephanie: That list is in this book as well. I totally agree with it! I have always tried to meet most of the needs on the list, but doing everyone each day has been challenging at times. The dinner being ON the table when he gets home has been the most difficult. I think our lives outside the home can be too busy as well and can distract from this goal too. I am trying to schedule better and so far it is paying off.

momto3blessings said...

That book is sooo great! I recommend it to any woman who wants to be the wife christ intended her to be. I am working in this area of making sure dinner is hot and ready when he gets home. It sure makes a world of difference.

momto3blessings said...

By the way Trina keep an eye on your mailbox!

Trina said...

Oh you know Cheryl that is all I need to hear...LOL Now I will look forward to the mail.
Well when you see one thing work so beautifully, like the dinner on the table when he walks in the door, it inspires you to keep praying about what else you can do.

Nicki said...

Trina, did you hear that sound? That was the sound of my chin hitting the desk, while I was reading what you wrote. This very thing has been on my mind and heart all day. As I was busy cleaning my house for company and fixing a wonderful meal for a family in our church, I was thinking about how I don't always do these things for my own husband, with a right heart or with same eagerness to have it done just right.

I see in so many places where I'm falling short of being the wife that God desires me to be. Your words (and Cheryl's) are so encouraging to me to make today the day that I'm going to start being a more Godly wife to my husband. I'm also going to wipe the dust of my copy of "The Excellent Wife". (shh...don't tell anyone but I've never read it all the way through.)

Thank you for your words of encouragement. :)

Neurotic Mom said...

Thanks for the refresher course, guess i better go dig and see what ingredients i have

Trina said...

Nicki: Ewww...that sounded like it hurt..LOL
I have been so glad for the inspiration as well. It feels good to go to bed at night feeling like I have done all I know to do.

Neurotic wife: Your welcome, and if you need to borrow a cup of sugar feel free to stop back by...LOL

Neurotic Mom said...

How about a cup or 2 or sanity??

Trina said...

neurotic mom: LOL...yeah... thats expensive at this house, but I do let good friends borrow it, so grab yourself a couple cups.

Kim C. said...

Great post - and here I sit at the computer, at nearly 4:30 with only the vaguest idea of what I will serve for dinner...
Nice to meet you, and I'll be back often.
Thanks also for the link - I have linked you as well. I think a mom of 5 boys and a mom of 7 girls could learn a lot from each other!

Trina said...

Well, coincidentally I am fixing your mexican casserole tonight. I can't wait to try it. We have a recipe similar and the boys love it, but this is nice to change it up a bit.
Yes, I am sure I will learn alot from you. Very nice to meet you too!

momto3blessings said...

I am going to have to try that mexican casserole sounds yummy!

RANDI said...

Awesome! God is always so faithful to bless our obedience!

Denise JoAnn said...

Hi Trina,
I like your blog, got you saved to favorites.
Also, I am a "Created..." fan, homeschooling mom of 6, christian woman who wished she lived on a snow capped mountain but instead lives in snow dusted Chicagoland. Learning to be content as well.
I'll be back soon.

Mike said...

Awfully sweet post...and it has made me realize I may need to hire a cook around

Trina said...

RANDI: He is....and so quickly sometimes.

Simon's Queen: I am so glad you have found your way over here, I will come for a visit as well.

Mike: LOL...This may be a VERY good idea, it seems to work wonders on men...LOL