How did we start from the two of us, to now having seven? I never thought I would be a Mom to 5, and defintitely not to all boys. When daydreaming as a little girl, I pictured myself married with 2 kids, just like my parents before me. So what happened?
Well Dennis and I got married very young and couldn't wait to start on our firstborn. It took us awhile to conceive, but joyfully River was on the way. He was our pride and joy, but we knew, God willing, that we didn't want him to be an only child. So, when River was 15 months old I was ready to try again, and to my surprise we conceived our second son, Isaiah, immediately. I felt blessed and was on the course that I had planned for our lives. Little did I know that the Lord was really at the wheel.
I remember the day that Dennis and I were driving down the road with our two little munchkins strapped in the back, and I felt "complete". So I dared to say it aloud. I shared this momentous feeling with Dennis expecting to hear a confirmation that he felt the same way. However, he said he wasn't sure. This surprised me, but I felt strongly to tell him that I would have as many as he desired as long as he was an involved Daddy and husband. I believed, and I guess I still do to this day, that I was made to give him these blessings. I should be willing to give all, after all I was the only woman to give such a gift to him. He was a good daddy and husband, so it was an easy decision for me. At that time I didn't think we probably would have more, but if so, maybe ONE more.
A couple years had passed and Dennis began to share his desire with me to have another. Now I was increasingly busy with two toddlers running around and wasn't sure I was up to the morning sickness and all that pregnancy entailed, nevermind a newborn. I told him that he would need to pray that God would prepare me, because I never wanted to resent being pregnant. So he and I began to pray privately and evenly openly with each other about this decision. One month I was lying on my bed writing in my journal when I logged in my hope to have another child growing inside of me. I realized at that time I was ready. That month we discovered that I was already with child, and I leapt with joy that Levi was already on his way.
For 5 years we had the three boys. Life felt "complete", everything felt designed to have 3 children. When one day Dennis went out to the dumpster beside our townhome, and discovered a beautiful, like-new bassinett placed beside it. I guess his resistance was low because he rolled this small, white, piece of furniture into our garage. He brought me downstairs to gaze upon this great new find, and to see what my reaction would be. When I stepped into the room I was confused and surprised at my findings. What in the world would we need that for? Was he crazy for salvaging this? He put his arms around my waist and asked me if I was willing to pray about another. I have always melted at Dennis's heart towards our children and myself, and in turn agreed. A couple months later I was ready to try, and once again conceived right away, and was anxiously awaiting Abram.
Once here, Abram was a bit of a shock to our system. The other boys were all at ages to have a majority of independence. All were potty-trained, could play well together, and could even throw a peanut butter and jelly sandwich together in a fix. So Abram was like starting all over again in many senses. We enjoyed and savoured him, but I had my moments of questioning our sanity in having another. On the otherhand, I felt we should have a fifth child, with him being so far behind the boys in his age. I didn't want him to feel like he was always looking for a playmate. Although in my heart I wanted this for him, I just couldn't comprehend being pregnant again.
Then one month last year, Den and I began to toy with the idea of having another, but I felt that if we didnt decide soon that the window of time would be closing. That month we decided to have one night of throwing all caution to the wind. I secretly hoped we would conceive another, but felt that the odds were against us. I began to daydream frequently all that month about what it would be like to have 5 children. Soon the time came to find out if we were expecting another, when sure enough the Lord blessed us with one more special gift, and today we call that amazing wonder Roman.
I guess the keyword in this is "complete". Do we ever really know what we need to complete us? I thought I did, but as I am learning I don't. Each choice to have another, and each son has made me a better person. All of the boys are so unique and have opened my eyes to a whole new person that stretches me, and opens my eyes to a new level of acceptance. Now I am careful when I say that I am "complete".
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Posted by Trina at 9:13 AM