Friday, March 07, 2008

Selfish Prayers

How to pray. I mulled it over this morning after Den left for work. I had whined to him that I felt like the baby would never come. He made a funny quip about how he would come with a full beard, but we would love him anyway. I found it a little unsympathetic and a little irritating (hormones raging), but in the very next second I questioned why I didn't just appreciate his humor, after all what could he have said to make the moment right with me? Probably and realistically nothing.




Den knelt beside the bed after he was fully dressed for work. He said his sweet little prayer for me, and then headed out the bedroom door. There I laid on the bed with my large round tummy. The baby was awake, just like clock work. He tossed and turned inside of me fighting for his morning position. I thought about all the pains that I had in the night and yet was still pregnant in the morning. I rolled out of bed and sat at my computer and noticed some good reading on the computer desk that Den must have left from the day before. So I nestled back in to bed and began reading a magazine, but then my mind drifted over how to pray about this important milestone in my life. I am waiting to have this baby and feeling discouraged when I am still holding on to the baby within. I began to contemplate how selfish my prayers can be if I'm not careful.




Now I find no harm in praying for a safe delivery and all that this entails. I find no harm in praying for a healthy baby either. No, its the specific prayer of timing that I need to be patient and careful about. I don't know the day, nor the hour that the Lord wants this child to enter this world. I don't have an understanding of all the little things that the Lord is working out that have nothing to do with me. I have a midwife who is very busy and is praying about her own personal daily happenings, I have friends who are traveling a distance to come and be with me during my hour of need, my sister is here to help deliver but I am confident that God is using her for other good deeds too, this I am sure, even Mary has a little girl who has been sick the last few days. Therefore, this isn't ALL about me. Instead of thinking about only myself and my own desires there is so much more going on behind the spiritual scene. I must be careful what I pray for and try to listen to God's will; not just my own desires. It's hard, I will admit, but my own desires can be so selfish and then they begin to make me unhappy, leaving me with the hollow question, "Why, oh Lord?" I am not more content by asking God to give me what I want NOW, without saying and truly meaning "God's will be done". This is hard for a mother in waiting, however I do want this to be a positive spiritual experience for all who are meant to be involved.





So today I will be more patient and more long suffering, and I will try to pray more earnestly about God's timing rather than my own blind wants.I have enough experience in my life to know that this is when it ALWAYS works out for the best for me and beautiful testimonies abound.

Warning: If I go overdue I may start whining again.....LOL

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know this is hard waiting babe but hang in there.

p.s. I'll bring home a beard trimmer

Love, Den at work

Trina said...

Den: That seriously made me giggle!

Marisela said...

I have found that when I lack pacience concerning things in my life I often have to come to the mind (like you have) that the Lord knows best and his timing is always the right time. After I come to that mind I find that soon after he delivers. It is always a reminder for me. I know how you feel, but I am still praying for you, and I'm sure it won't be long. *hugs*

Sis. Lori P. said...

Oh Trina! It is hard to wait those last few days. Come on now! You can do it... I had ALL my babies 3 weeks early; except my last one and boy was I on my knees everyday whining to the Lord about that. He came only one week early...poor me! But when I was begging God for this baby to just be born the Lord would be whispering those same things you wrote about into my ears...it's not what I want, it's what He wants. Maybe that's why we don't know the "when" of many of our trials' endings here on earth? Think about how we basically know the "when" a pregnancy will end...and we are so fixated on that time! Everything in our lives revolves around that date. If we knew the end date of all our trials we would probably only be focusing on that rather than what the Lord is trying so patiently to teach us! The Dad and I were talking this morning about having your family over next weekend and I told him we couldn't because that's when you were due! Go walk the mall today with your sister! Maybe that will get those pains a coming? Love you and our prayers are for your safe delivery in God's time of a healthy darling.

Anonymous said...

Dear Trina,

I must say it has been a joy reading your blog. Your boys are just gorgeous and I'm sure the little girl will be also. With so much sadness this year in our family is so nice to hear all the good things out there. I wish we could come to Oregon. But.. God only knows when. It was fun seeing the pictures of you guys at the beach. Dennis & Colin look more like twins every year.

Love You All,

Sis. JoAnn McCracken

Trina said...

Marisela: I have found that when I TRULY come to the right frame of mind (for awhile) the Lord then can deliver me. Thank you for your prayers! (((HUGS BACK)))

Sis. Lori: Thanks for thinking of us for dinner, very sweet! Teresa is getting me out everyday for a little while to keep me from thinking about it, so I will see what is on the agenda today. I appreciate the prayers!

Sis. JoAnn: What a treat and a surprise to hear from you. I had no idea you knew I had a blog...lol The guys sure do look more and more like every year. I think they were asked if they were twins at the coast....lol.

Kalisha said...

Thank you for the comment.

Fee said...

Trina....... I have been thinking about you often. You are in my prayers.
So is it a boy?????? talking about beard trimmers an' all!

Chantel said...

I know this last bit it is hard to wait. But I know, that you know how quickly life passes and this too shall pass. Praying for you!

Kim said...

His timing is perfect. I have been reminded of that so many times in my life. He has worked so many things when I had my own babies and made a way for each one that I asked to be there. He has also always made a way for me to be there with the Sisters when asked. I know you know these things. I know he has worked wonderful things in your life and in your deliveries. He will do it again. It may be tomorrow or next week but it will be perfect!! Love and Prayers!

Connie M. said...

These last few weeks are sooo long. I will be praying for you.

I remember when I was expecting Cassi and I was late for the first time. Bro. Ronald was very sick and I kept teasing Sis. Betty that I was waiting until he got a little better so she could leave for a few hours to be with me. Little did I know it was true, in a way. She came directly from the graveside, where she buried her husband, to my home. She said it was exactly where she wanted to be, but I still felt bad for her and tried to make sure she knew it would be OK if she didn't come. Then, when I was really not doing well, I remember her laying on the floor beside me holding my hand and praying, and I knew God allowed her to be there for both of our comfort.

Trina said...

Kalisha: I truly enjoyed your blog, so you are very welcome!

Fee: Thank you for remembering me. We ALWAYS think its going to be a boy. I truly believe it will be, and if it turns out to be a girl I will be SHOCKED! lol

Chantel: Life sure does go by too fast! I need to be more patient, which isn't my strong suit. After all these years of our friendship you know this...hehehe

Kim: I love the idea of God's perfect timing and you are so right God's timing is always perfect. *sigh* Im so weak!! hehehe

Connie: What a beautiful testimony. I am sure that it was a strength to both of you, and something that you would have never thought would go exactly the way it did. Thanks for sharing that with me!

marykathryn said...

That sweet baby will come soon, but I know how you feel as you know I have been late all 3 times myself! But the Lord does have a plan, we are sure of that..Thanks for all that you do and you know I love you!!!

"Neena" said...

Well, since I've never been there before, I can't relate, but you'll be in my prayers more than ever, now!

Lori said...

I don't think I can offer you any words that you don't already know...sometimes it is hard to patient and wait to see God's plan. We are human, and I am sure 9 months pregnant it is really hard to be patient. But God has a plan...hang in there!
PS. I thought Den's comment to you was a good one - hee-hee!

Mrs.Martin said...

I am enjoying my stay here while waiting on another Martin baby. What a blessing to spend a few weeks with you and my nephews, after being separated for 2 years. However, I understand having false alarms very well. It is nerve wracking, because you have to lend your mind to believing it might be the Real deal too. Such is birth. I love you and we will be patient together Sis. Let's go to Kohl's!, to get our mind busy again.

Mrs.Martin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trina said...

Mary: All that I do isn't much, and I love you too!!

Neena: You are the sweetest, thank you.

Lori: You are so always so good about leaving me an encouraging comment. Thank you! Yes, Den is funny!

Sis: Im ready for Kohls....I hear they are having some great clearance sales...nothing a little retail therapy can't fix, right? hehehe

Cherrie said...

Before you know it you will be holding that bundle of joy and wondering were the time went. Time flies by so fast and so will this, so enjoy the time with your sis.
I am praying for you and love you lots.

Leanne said...

I feel for you! the last days anticipation nearly is our undoing, isn't it!?

I found wisdom and sanguinity in your post today...so much so that I contemplate it for all of life's waiting.

Thanks for your good words of admonishment....at least it was a reminder for me too, for many things in my life...

Leanne in Longview WA

Trina said...

Cherrie: Im glad we had a chance to chat on the phone today. I love you lots too!

Leanne: Yes, it is! At least MY undoing....hehehe You are so sweet and encouraging. Im thankful for you thoughtful comments!

Cherrie said...

CALL ME! IF I DON'T CALL YOU FIRST! I TOOK IT! SATURDAY 9:00 MY TIME 7:00 YOURS, DON'T WANT TO WAKE YOU UP!

meNmykids said...

That Dennis prayed for you before he left is the most tender and loving thing. I admire the example that you are together and am thankful that my girls can benefit from the sweet fallout of your healthy godly marriage. This time is rough, but this too shall pass, and you have such wonderful support. Hope the sales are great! Buy another pacifier, that always helps me.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Trina.
You have a great support team and many cheerleaders.
THe biggest one being your Heavenly Father.
Your Friend,

Kristarella~

Steff said...

Like you said, God has the perfect time for your little one to make an appearance. I noticed that you said you had a midwife. Does that mean you're having this baby at home? Just curious!

Trina said...

Cherrie: I heard and saw the news on your blog!! How cool!!!

Gale: I think its sweet that Den takes the time to pray for me too. It sure goes a long way in changing my attitude sometimes.

Kristarella: I do have a lot of cheerleaders, and I am truly thankful for all of them!

Steff: I always have homebirths, and this one will be the same way! Come on little one!

Rosann said...

Still praying for you and looking forward to seeing those sweet new baby pictures! Hang in there- the Lord knows the perfect day for a BIRTHday :)

Tish said...

I know I'm late commenting on this blog; but I really feel for you right now. It is so hard to have the right heart and mind when you are so uncomfortable! We pray for you often and can't wait to meet the new little one when it comes!