Wednesday, January 02, 2008

When My Hands Tremble

There are times to be strong. Sometimes I feel like I am going to crumble under the responsibility of being a mother. Raising teenagers is far more exhausting mentally, then the 2am and 3 am awakenings in the middle of the night by a baby. I thought those days or nights were difficult, and they were in their own right, (believe me I am aware of baby #6's impact that is soon to come), but the teens are far more, emotionally, stressful.

I look at my older boys and I realize that I don't have years to accomplish all my goals spiritually, educationally, and relationship wise anymore. The clock is ticking and all that I have done, or not done, will follow them as they pack up their few belongings and head out to face the world someday soon. I hear their own thoughts and sometimes the words they speak are like a symphony to my ears, and other times I hear the foolishness of a young heart. In those times, my heart will skip a beat and I want to focus all my energy on changing their perspective. However, this isn't always possible. I am raising men who are set on forming their own lives, and believing in their own convictions.

Now is not the time that I can be their best friend. I want to be their close friend, and I feel that I am, but it can't ever supersede my role as a mother. If while they are in my house I am a mother that shows love, consistency, and a Godly walk then I can say job well done to myself. If, on the other hand, they adore me, but they take advantage of me and they haven't stretched themselves in to the men that God appointed them to be because I was lazy or afraid to be disliked by one of them, then I have failed. It is a fine line that I walk daily with each of them.

There are days that I have felt out numbered. That conflict seemed to be heaped upon me like red/orange coals, but I am not one to run away from a battle. They are worth fighting for and I will do battle for them until the day I die.

The great victory is when you have one sit down with you, and you explain the battle that you see ahead, and they "get it". I have had to have private conversations with each one, and break down the purpose of our lives. I have explained to them, at times, that we are in a spiritual battle, that they may not be able to see the war that God and Satan are having for them, but I do. Therefore, I can't turn a blind eye to poor choices, or directions that they may want to walk. I, instead, am the keeper and the one to help them stay on the straight and narrow path until they are ready and able to recognize what this life is truly all about. It isn't about being the smartest, the wealthiest, or the funniest man, there is a far greater purpose to our lives. There is work to be done, so I need to make sure that they understand why they are being taught our beliefs, and held to the laws of God's word. For if I let them "get away" with laziness, dishonesty, and no relationship with the Lord than their lives will be in vain.

So for now, if I am not the most popular person in the house on any given day, than so be it. I have told them that mothering is not a popularity contest, but a serious labor that I have taken to heart. I am not the law maker, but the enforcer, and in doing so there is much beauty and peace in serving the Lord.


Sis. Lori P. said...

Big sigh here...I am thankful to see the Lord teaching you the same things we have had to learn in the past and are still attaining to as I type. Sis. Trina, we have had to draw our lines in the sand and then stay on our own side and I tell you weeping that God was the only one who could bring around the sons to our side of the line again. But He did. And His words are true about raising them up in the way they should go and in the end they will not depart. Hold to the line...and cry your tears to God...He'll bring the increase you so need as a mother.

Trina said...

Sis. Lori: Thank you for sharing those words with me. My heart received them beautifully.

meNmykids said...

Whew! I'm with you, sometimes I sweat blood thinking of how little time there is left to have them in my home. I want to have the courage and understanding on where, when and how to draw the line as well as the strength to back it up. Good post.

Mrs.Martin said...

I enjoyed reading your post tonight, especially after our visit this morning, over my sick baby. LoL To raise our children is hard work and one that takes alot of wisdom. The night Reggie left on his own, Cole was at church and he asked the Lord to reveal some scripture to comfort him about Reggie leaving home and he opened up to train them up in the way they should go and they shall not depart from it. This was a comfort to both of us. Love you and take care of yourself these last 10 weeks.

Tish said...

You make me realize how important it is for me to raise my children right during these younger years. At the ages your children are is the wrong time to wake up and figure out you haven't done things right all along. I'm sure you've done a good job. You and Dennis seem like really good parents. I really admire you guys and I'm sure I could learn a lot from you guys. even with my kids being so young I can just imagine what you are going through. It's got to be hard watching your children growing into adults and start making thier own decisions. It also makes me understand what my parents went through too. I'm with you though, you can't just sit back and watch them make the wrong choices. Even if they don't listen at least you know you did your part as a parent. I guess it's kind of like the watchman blowing the trumpet.

Anyway, I've kind of went on and on. I'll be praying for you that you will know how to deal with things. I believe your boys have been raised right and they will reflect that in their adult lives.

Katie & the boys said...

Dear Trina,
Thank you for your words. I am so encouraged. As a mom of three young boys, I always look for faithful, Christ-loving moms with older sons who I can learn from--today I have definitely learned! Thank you for allowing God to use you...I am going to print up your post and keep it. It's like a little devotional in itself.

Lori said...

I bow my head in shame at the grief I gave my mother as a teenager. I remember thinking I knew it all and probably even telling her that on a regular basis! ha!

I think I can say without having met your family in person and just reading here on your blog, that you have given them a firm foundation. They will stumble like we all do, and you will always be there to guide them back to the right path...that's what Mom's do....