Friday, January 11, 2008

Nothing Fits Me!



I feel like everyday that I look in the mirror I have to wrap my mind around what it is I am looking at. This body is constantly mutating while I sleep.


I got out of bed, went to the bathroom (let's just assume I do this little activity about 25 times a day), and went to my closet. Now my closet is pretty big, but you would think I own NOTHING when it comes to pregnancy apparel. I have refused to buy a whole lot with this pregnancy because everytime I go to the maternity store hoping to do the "let's fall in love with something" dance, in that itty bitty fitting room, I am mortified. I turn in to the biggest grouch ever, and normally leave empty handed, but with a horrible attitude about my body. Poor Den when he goes.....it's not pretty! I vow to never eat anything sweet again during this pregnancy and whine about how we NEVER go to the gym. He says very little, which is wise, because he is in a losing battle with "hormone woman"!


So I am standing in my vast closet spinning around hoping that something is hiding that will make me look like skinny Nicole Ritchie. However, to my disappointment, day after day, nothing appears. I have put on clothes that are baggy and moveable, but honestly it only makes me look and feel bigger than life. I try to squeeze on tops that were PRE-pregnancy but somehow the material refuses to cover my large bust and belly, and I am fighting the unsightly gaps while just quietly standing in the closet, (nevermind me actually doing any sort of activity in it). *sigh* Ohhhh how I miss the days where I went to bed one size and shape and got up the exact same size and shape. Maybe even a little lighter after no eating for several hours in a row.......oh how those days are a distant memory.....lol


I went to Target with Mary. She was purchasing a bunch of amazing clothes for her trip that is coming up, and I decided that I was going to buy a couple pairs of sweatpants. You know something to just lounge around in while I am doing housework. I giggled at the XL that I was about to purchase, and even held them up to Mary. I said "I'm just gonna do it", and "I dont care that they are big and will probably give me the option to fill them out even more in the days ahead." I declared that I just wanted something comfy to spend my remaining pregnancy days in. She was very supportive as I bought them.


I got home with my tightly fisted Target bag. I couldn't wait to peel off my maternity jeans, and to put on some soft, pliable, stretchy sweats. They were the kind that gather at the knee a little bit, so they were even a little sporty (in their own way). I excitedly told Den of my purchase and ran to put them on, obviously in hopes that I might look cute in them too. I went in to my downstairs bathroom, stripped down to my scivvys, and grabbed one of the sweats. I anxiously put one leg in, and then the other. Thankfully, my feet fit through the holes, because it wasn't as easy for the remaining parts of my body as the pair of sweats drew closer and closer to my rump. I fought those babies all the way to the top, and then I just stood there. That's right, I just stood there looking at myself in the mirror. First of all, they weren't cute. It looked like I had stripped my jeans, bought a can of gray spray paint, and did a little number on myself. The pants were so grotesquely tight that there wasn't much left to the imagination. I spun in a tight little circle, because I couldn't believe my eyes. I mean it wasn't but an hour earlier that I was giggling with Mary about my XL, and, now, here I was in my house, in my bathroom, unable to step out in front of my sons for fear that the sight of this pregnant woman would keep them from ever giving me grandchildren.


Eventually, I came to the mind that the sweats would have to be taken back. I quickly took them off, and I mean quickly. I knew how I felt after my maternity store episodes. Its like a toxic drug that it gets in to my system and it turns me into Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde, and Den, innocently, has to pay the price. So I stepped out of the bathroom and joined the crew that was in the family room. Den asked me how come I didn't have my comfy sweats on. I shot him a look that said, "Don't go there!" Trust me.....he didn't go there.....hahaha


Those pants found their way back in to the white and red Target bag, and back to the store before a blink of an eye. I have tried not to think about that moment and how it all went sour, but I have to admit that it creeps back in to my psychy every morning when I do the closet dance to start my day......


9 weeks to go girls!.............

12 comments:

Mrs.Martin said...

Oh Sis!

What a terrible feeling to have while you are pregnant, yet I was just there and remember it too. I have to admit it made me laugh to read your words of misery of shopping with Den, although I think you look great in your photo. You are still skinnier than I am Not pregnant and I think you look Mar VA las!

9 WEEKS TO GOOO! Not long AT all!

Kim said...

Hey! Where did you get that picture of me for your blog???

Trina, You look great! Don't worry, it will soon be over and then you will bounce right back like you always have before. And as your sister pointed out, you are skinnier pregnant than I am on every day of the week. Yours will soon be gone, mine on the other hand will stay until I can decide that I love a smaller rump more than my treats. Right now I am happy being fat and sassy! LOLOL

Tiffany said...

You look nothing but wonderful in that pregnancy photo. I wish I could fit into what you were wearing, and look good in it, like you do.

I bought pregnancy clothes and still looked bad in them.

Tiffany said...

ROFL! Not at you, but with you :). I bought some maternity clothes a while back and was so excited to have new cloths. I now have but a few that still actually fit me and they are getting more dull and faded looking every week. 9 weeks isn't long to wait :). Cheer up!

momto3blessings said...

I always think you look incredible pregnant. I just saw you the other day for lunch and I was thinking how good you looked.

Lori said...

I know it's not funny to you, but I really had a good chuckle...thanks! And, I'm sure it's just the way you have of telling a story! LOL! I can't imagine trying to find things to wear when you are pregnant. But, that picture of you earlier this week or last week,looked great! You have nothing to be ashamed of!

ConservaChick said...

Saturday market has these cute little hippie dresses that make a girl look adorable in the 3rd trimester... and you can wear them after the baby too, although they might not be the best for nursing. Ooh, now that I think about it Saturday market is closed until spring. Oh well, 9 weeks will be done before you know it! Can't wait for baby pics!!! ~Karlie

Tish said...

What's even more horrible than having XL not fit when your pregnant is when it's too small when your not pregnant. Now that is a horrible experience! At least with pregnancy you have an excuse. I do not have that excuse! Of course I think I might be to the point where I'm donning larges rather than XL. I'm hoping for the day to soon be here when I can be a happy medium again!

~Java Mama~ said...

Oh, I so can feel your pain... You absolutely awesome in your picture below. Being pregnant has always been hard for me in the gaining weight area and watching and feeling my body transform into a whale of a size. I had to keep reminding myself of the miracle taking place in my body! There is a baby growing in there! Amazing!! God is awesome... I pray that you will feel at peace with your beautiful baby body these next 9 weeks and after.

JOYfully in Him,
Kelli

Marisela said...

You are too funny! You really shouldn't feel bad you look so great! Every time I see you you look so cute and stylish....I really do mean that, and I wouldn't say that to just anyone.

Mother of Mother of Hope said...

Pleeeeeeease! You always look good, and you know that , deep down inside. This is a temporary state and I know you know that too. Instead of thinking negitively about your changing body, think of it this way. When your body is changing that means your baby is growing, and that means your baby is healthy. Just remember those who are large in the beginging of their pregnancy are the ones that people don't know if they are pregnant or not. At least with you it is very easy to tell that you are in deed in the end of your pregnancy and that IS A GOOD THING! I know you already know this, sometimes expectant MOM's just need to hear it from someone else and be reminded of it once in a while. God is good to you as you are to HIM.

Sunydazy said...

I hope you know how lovely you are! Thanks for the laugh! I know what you mean...
I've stood still in my closet and stared down at the gaps in my clothing so many times in my life! And I HATE tight pants when I'm pregnant. Hang in there!