Friday, January 18, 2008

God's Design

Mary and I decided to meet at the pool with the kids last night. Den and Rusty were at a men's meeting, for the night, so we decided to take this time to get the kids together for a nightly swim.

We met at the athletic club, wandered in to the family changing room, and got everyone ready to go. We put life vests on Hailey and Roman, and made sure that the other kids were ready to hit the pool. Everyone was in the water in a splash, literally. I held Roman, confident that he would be a clinger all evening long, after all we didn't have his typical water wings that are placed around his arms. However, he proved me wrong. He kept wanting to shake my hands off his hands so that he could swim by himself. Not wanting him to be scared when he tipped forward I kept trying to hold tight to his little hands, but soon he made it clear that he wanted independence. Figuring that he would have to learn the hard way I released him, but instead of crying he began to tread, and very quickly he was off and swimming towards the other children. Mary and I were amazed at him and his convictions, as we giggled.

This is when I had another parental epiphany. I had nothing to do with That is who he is. In the beginning of my parental adventures, with River and Isaiah, I gave myself credit or blamed myself for every little thing that my children did, believing that I had the impact on forming almost every part of their personality. Now that I am 36, and I have five sons I realize that this was blown completely out of proportion. I obviously, influence their behavior as far as morals, and their understandings of things, but HOW they see their world is more in line with how God made them, individually. I know that I have stated this a million times, but I have to say that it never ceases to amaze me. They are who they are from the womb, which is why God says he knew them even while they are in their mothers womb. I find this intriguing, and I also find it exciting to discover who they are, and how I can help them be better people. It does make parenting more challenging and difficult, but it also brings a new light of trusting in the Lord's design, too.

For instance, I have had some high maintenance children and some lower maintenance children (all children are maintenance;), but why they are, who they are, in this manner is how God designed them. I have given them the same amount of love, discipline, and in general guidance, after all I am only one mom and I am pretty predictable. So if I was the complete sculptor wouldn't it make perfect sense that all my children would behave exactly the same? Of course. Now, please don't misunderstand my point, in no way am I advocating that you shouldn't discipline or guide children because you have no control, not at all, but what works with one may not work with the other. Does this mean that you don't try to figure out how to make it work? No, it just means that some lessons will be easy for one and more challenging for another. Keep up the good work moms, but just know that each child is their own person.

So looking at Roman, at two years old, swimming all over the pool, independently, made me smile. Abram would have clung to me for dear life at this age. I haven't done anything different with Roman to cause him to be the opposite, he is just unique. I loved it. I love to see who my sons are, even at the youngest of ages. At times one makes my life easier, and other times that same child puts me in an emotional quandary. All that I can do is pray for wisdom so that the Lord can show me how to get through to each one, and how to comfort them when they, inevitably, need me.


Nomadica said...

Its really cool of you to realize that. I mean, not many mums would distinguish their hardwork from who their kids actually are. Accepting that each child is different is a necessity but SO often is an impossibility. I cant tell you how happy this post of your's has made me. You really are an awesome mum, Trina! baby # 6 is going to be verrry lucky :)

Fee said...

You are very wise my dear friend! That's why I love visiting you.I always feel inspired and uplifted after a visit at your place! Thank you.

Cherrie said...

I love how each child has there own little mind. I see the things Samuel does and remember how Elisha was and I see so many things the same but so different also.

Lori said...

So is a source of amazement for me how siblings can be so different even though raised the same.

heidig said...

That is so well said. Everyday I discover that can't change their nature, only guide them on their way.