Friday, December 28, 2007

Pregnancy Battles


I have found that with this pregnancy I worry about things far more. At least I hope that its related to my pregnancy and not going to be the norm forevermore.


I find myself tossing and turning in the middle of the night, since insomnia is another onset of my pregnancy,and this gives me time to dwell on things I can't control. I try to spend this frustrating time praying, or when I began to play out how I would handle a situation (that may never arise) I think about all the difficult trials that I have bowed my head in prayer and God has rescued me. This gives me solace, but it is, still, a continuous conversation I have with myself, when I am pregnant, in the wee hours of the night.


I dont know if this is because I am bringing another soul in to this world and the weight of that responsiblity feels so great to me that I began to overexamine my shortcomings, or what. All I know is that I am ready to move past it.


I have found that I am more tired (of course), a little more grouchy, and I am not interested in ANY changes in my life right now. It seems if Den brings up an option of some way we are going to transform our lives I almost panic and become quickly discontent with the conversation. I wondered why, while on the way to church last night, that I was having such strong reactions to something, when it hit me that my pregnancy hormones and the adjustment of a new life coming soon must be the culprit. Call it the nesting period, I guess.


I had to apologize (again) for my short, curt responses to him earlier, and I explained that now is not the time to dream with me about all the "what- ifs" to come. After all, I do plenty of that in the middle of the night, and it leaves me exhausted.

10 comments:

Marisela said...

I remember those feelings all to well. I too would spend countless nights worrying and wondering about the "what if's" and anything life changing was not something I wanted to discuss either. After all isn't having a new baby life changing enough? Really one thing at a time was all I could handle. I totally understand. Just think only a couple months left!

meNmykids said...

I do this now, maybe it's an age thing too? Or maybe my body is just stuck in pregnant mode? Praying for you, hope you get on with your peaceful rest soon. So glad that you had that time at Disneyland it had to be fun.

Lori said...

Did you do this with the others? If not, maybe you are having a girl this time!!!

Trina said...

marisela: I am glad to hear that I am not alone with this pregnancy emotional roller coaster ride...hehehe

Gale: I am looking forward to that peaceful rest soon too! Yes, we had an amazing time at Disneyland.

Lori: I did do this with all my other pregnancies, but I always forget how intense it can be. Its one of the dreaded pregnancy syndromes. *sigh* I am still thinking boy. Everything lines up like all the previous pregnancies.

Mrs.Martin said...

Saying prayers with you Sis, and I pray you start sleeping better at night too. Like Marisela said, just a couple months left.

Michelle Swank said...

I had similar feelings during my last pregnancy. For some reason they were more intense this time. I wanted no change in my life and if there was change Kevin had to deal with it. The insomnia only prepared me for the nightly feedings. My prayers are for you and your family. I am sure time will fly by like it has for me and you will have a lovely 2 month old smiling at you.

Lots of Love & Prayers
MS

Steff said...

I can't relate to the pregnancy part (to which my mom is very happy) but I can relate to feeling like nothing is in my control. And I like being in control of everything. I know that God has His hands full providing me peace and reassurances that He is in control. I hope that His peace wraps around your soul and brings sweet comfort!

krella said...

I am so sorry. I am a worry one too. It really bothers me when my husband vocalizes his fears. I totally lose it then. I will pray for you. He is able, more than able.

Lori said...

PS. I answered your pregnancy question...finally. I just didn't have an answer for sure until this morning! :-)

Jules said...

They say every pregnancy is different. It has been 5 1/2 years since I was expecting and have forgotten, but from what I remember, I got grouchy and couldn't sleep also. I'm sure everyone understands. Pregnancy is a hard thing to go through. It will be all worth it in just a couple months. I'm praying for you :)