I have found that with this pregnancy I worry about things far more. At least I hope that its related to my pregnancy and not going to be the norm forevermore.
I find myself tossing and turning in the middle of the night, since insomnia is another onset of my pregnancy,and this gives me time to dwell on things I can't control. I try to spend this frustrating time praying, or when I began to play out how I would handle a situation (that may never arise) I think about all the difficult trials that I have bowed my head in prayer and God has rescued me. This gives me solace, but it is, still, a continuous conversation I have with myself, when I am pregnant, in the wee hours of the night.
I dont know if this is because I am bringing another soul in to this world and the weight of that responsiblity feels so great to me that I began to overexamine my shortcomings, or what. All I know is that I am ready to move past it.
I have found that I am more tired (of course), a little more grouchy, and I am not interested in ANY changes in my life right now. It seems if Den brings up an option of some way we are going to transform our lives I almost panic and become quickly discontent with the conversation. I wondered why, while on the way to church last night, that I was having such strong reactions to something, when it hit me that my pregnancy hormones and the adjustment of a new life coming soon must be the culprit. Call it the nesting period, I guess.
I had to apologize (again) for my short, curt responses to him earlier, and I explained that now is not the time to dream with me about all the "what- ifs" to come. After all, I do plenty of that in the middle of the night, and it leaves me exhausted.