Sunday, July 01, 2007

Where Did THAT Come From?

Attention: Yes there was a post, previous to this one. It was a poem. You are not crazy, as some of you have asked. It was not a figment of your imagination....although I have thought about letting you believe it was, but that wouldn't be honest, now would it? hehehe I deleted it, becase..well..I did! Thank you again for the sweeeet comments, they made me feel very loved!!

So this morning, my head is clear again, thankfully. As I headed down the stairs in the quiet of the morning I contemplated why my mind went there last night. It was all innocent enough, but isn't that how it normally goes?

Yesterday, Den had to work. He wasn't feeling good, and by the end of the day all he could do was fall into bed in hopes that he could sleep off this bitter cold that had settled in to his chest. All the boys were quiet, all that is, except Roman. Well I figured I needed to get out and buy a few things, so I grabbed Roman, and we snuck into the suburban. This left the house fairly quiet for Den to rest.

Roman was thrilled to be going bye bye, and his glee made me happy. It's contagious, don't ya know. After buckling him in his seat, I hopped in and turned on some summer music. The weather was beautiful, so I rolled down the back window, as I pulled out of the driveway and then I tilted my rearview mirror to snag glimpses of my 19 month old's joy factor. While stopped at the red light, a favorite tune came on, and so I cranked it up and did a little seated jig for Roman, that included some hand clapping and finger snapping. He loved it, although the people in the cars around me thought I may be a little crazy, and tried to avoid eye contact with me....hehehe

Once we made it to a few shops, I decided to head to Fred Meyer. For some reason I went to the one that was down the road, instead of our normal stop. It was when driving around that area of town that it happened. You know....memory lane. At first it was nice as I let my mind wander lazily down fun and happy thoughts. I parked the suburban and retrieved Roman and off we went inside the electric doors. Then it happened again. There was a jolt of sorts, where I remebered my mom and I slowly waltzing around that very store, not so long ago. Well it was really a lot longer ago than I remember it being. River was just a fact Roman's age. Where did the time go? That was me, with my first son, as a baby, and now, fast forward to me with my fifth son, as a baby. Maybe if we had never left this town I would never have moments to reflect back on, it would have all just blended together. However, since I have been gone, and I am now rewalking in those footsteps, I am having more time to reflect.

As I made my purchases, and headed back to the car, I felt fine again. It was all neatly tucked behind me, where I carry many of my secret sorrows. A place I don't see very often since it's never out in front of me, and only recognize it once in a while in a mirror or a reflection. Otherwise I can forget I carry it all. (Don't we all carry secret baggage?)

After returning home, only to find Den on the couch in worse shape than formally, I plopped down and began to rock Roman who was ready for bedtime. This is when Den and I decided to watch a Roy Orbison Concert. That was it, it was the grand finale' for me. Funny how music is one of the most powerful memory retrievers for me. As we listened to his haunting, and yet angelic voice I thought about my parents. How much they love Roy Orbison, how many times I remember listening to him while growing up, and how much I miss listening to his music. This is when the flood gates came pouring in. It was late and there was nothing stopping my mind from going where I try not to let it go. There was no outside responsiblities or any child begging for my attention. It was just me, in the dark of the family room, engrossed in haunting songs that evoked emotions in me that I had forgot about....again.

But now I am back on track. I filled my coffee cup this morning, and I am enjoying the morning sun. Standing out on my back porch wondering why my tomatoes are not in bloom, and why the few I have aren't turning red. Back to normal life, with normal thoughts, and listening to the joy of my family on the inside of my home. Thank you God for nights of reminding me where you have brought me from, and thank you for mornings of enjoying the present.


Mother-of-Hope said...

It *is* a beautiful day today isn't it? I'm glad you're feeling better. We had a beautiful service at church this morning, with Sam dancing in the pew to the enjoyment of everyone around him. It's just one of those happy go lucky, good weather, good music, dancing kind of days isn't it? :D

Anonymous said...

I am very thankful for you, and the light you put forth. You are an example to me of strength and grace. I love the way you look forward not backward.
I hope your tomatoes bring forth a bountiful harvest.

Lori said...

I think we all have moments like those...songs can take me back to events or times in life or make me think of certain people. Have you heard that song "The Song Remembers When"? I think it's by Trisha Yearwood? So true!!

Glad you are better today! :-) Hope you have better luck with your tomatoes than I have with mine! ha!

meNmykids said...

So glad everything is back where it belongs. I'm sure there will be more times like that, but thankfully there will be more days like today. Good luck with your tomatoes.

Michelle Swank said...

We all have things in our past and some in the present that we are haunted by or confronted with. I know that the secrets families have can be devastating inside, meanwhile you put on a strong front. Looking at my little family and what I have always makes me feel better.

My tomatoes are not turning red either. Don't know whats up with that.

You seem to be a very strong person. God made some of us that way to make it through our trials.

Love & Prayers

Cherrie said...

I love how you had those memories. It is always good to be reminded. I sure hope those tomatoes turn red soon so I can eat some.

Love Cherrie

la bellina mammina said...

Memories - they're priceless aren't they? No one can ever take that away from us....
Hope your tomatoes bloom soon.

Dot said...

Memories have a way of reminding us to look to the future, and see all the possibilities.

My tomatoes are still green. Hopefully they will all turn red soon.

Jenn said...

Praise the Lord, for He can overcome anything the enemy puts in our minds.
*Thank you Lord for the change in this Sister's attitude, and continue to bless her in the days to come. You are a good God.*
I have those days too girlfriend. And at the end of it all, I realize that I just let the enemy overtake my mind. You are a strong woman, and a blessing to me! Love you!

Marisela said...

It's true visiting places from our past really do take us down memory lane, and having lived so many differen't places there are memories for me most everywhere we go. And with each momory you do realize how quickly time is going by. Some memories are good and some not so good...but I can see that through the not so good times how blessed I was to have God help me through.