Where Did THAT Come From?

Attention: Yes there was a post, previous to this one. It was a poem. You are not crazy, as some of you have asked. It was not a figment of your imagination....although I have thought about letting you believe it was, but that wouldn't be honest, now would it? hehehe I deleted it, becase..well..I did! Thank you again for the sweeeet comments, they made me feel very loved!!


So this morning, my head is clear again, thankfully. As I headed down the stairs in the quiet of the morning I contemplated why my mind went there last night. It was all innocent enough, but isn't that how it normally goes?

Yesterday, Den had to work. He wasn't feeling good, and by the end of the day all he could do was fall into bed in hopes that he could sleep off this bitter cold that had settled in to his chest. All the boys were quiet, all that is, except Roman. Well I figured I needed to get out and buy a few things, so I grabbed Roman, and we snuck into the suburban. This left the house fairly quiet for Den to rest.

Roman was thrilled to be going bye bye, and his glee made me happy. It's contagious, don't ya know. After buckling him in his seat, I hopped in and turned on some summer music. The weather was beautiful, so I rolled down the back window, as I pulled out of the driveway and then I tilted my rearview mirror to snag glimpses of my 19 month old's joy factor. While stopped at the red light, a favorite tune came on, and so I cranked it up and did a little seated jig for Roman, that included some hand clapping and finger snapping. He loved it, although the people in the cars around me thought I may be a little crazy, and tried to avoid eye contact with me....hehehe

Once we made it to a few shops, I decided to head to Fred Meyer. For some reason I went to the one that was down the road, instead of our normal stop. It was when driving around that area of town that it happened. You know....memory lane. At first it was nice as I let my mind wander lazily down fun and happy thoughts. I parked the suburban and retrieved Roman and off we went inside the electric doors. Then it happened again. There was a jolt of sorts, where I remebered my mom and I slowly waltzing around that very store, not so long ago. Well it was really a lot longer ago than I remember it being. River was just a babe....in fact Roman's age. Where did the time go? That was me, with my first son, as a baby, and now, fast forward to me with my fifth son, as a baby. Maybe if we had never left this town I would never have moments to reflect back on, it would have all just blended together. However, since I have been gone, and I am now rewalking in those footsteps, I am having more time to reflect.

As I made my purchases, and headed back to the car, I felt fine again. It was all neatly tucked behind me, where I carry many of my secret sorrows. A place I don't see very often since it's never out in front of me, and only recognize it once in a while in a mirror or a reflection. Otherwise I can forget I carry it all. (Don't we all carry secret baggage?)

After returning home, only to find Den on the couch in worse shape than formally, I plopped down and began to rock Roman who was ready for bedtime. This is when Den and I decided to watch a Roy Orbison Concert. That was it, it was the grand finale' for me. Funny how music is one of the most powerful memory retrievers for me. As we listened to his haunting, and yet angelic voice I thought about my parents. How much they love Roy Orbison, how many times I remember listening to him while growing up, and how much I miss listening to his music. This is when the flood gates came pouring in. It was late and there was nothing stopping my mind from going where I try not to let it go. There was no outside responsiblities or any child begging for my attention. It was just me, in the dark of the family room, engrossed in haunting songs that evoked emotions in me that I had forgot about....again.

But now I am back on track. I filled my coffee cup this morning, and I am enjoying the morning sun. Standing out on my back porch wondering why my tomatoes are not in bloom, and why the few I have aren't turning red. Back to normal life, with normal thoughts, and listening to the joy of my family on the inside of my home. Thank you God for nights of reminding me where you have brought me from, and thank you for mornings of enjoying the present.