Roman was screaming. Throwing a 3 months' old temper tantrum. He wanted to be held as I laid him on the bed. I sighed, turned back around and picked him up. I lifted his tiny stiffened body in the air in front of me. I was looking at him up close, as his eyes were squeezed tightly together, and his mouth was wide open letting out a breathtaking cry. I gazed at him with amazement. How can someone who was so loved become so unhappy? More surprisingly was how much love I had for him even with him screaming and demanding my attention. As we stayed in this postition for a few seconds I thought to myself, "Is this who I am to God?" The thought tickled me. Surely I was more mature in my dealings with the Lord then this infant was with me, or was I?
I pondered the many things I have sought the Lord about in my life. The times I asked him to do something for me, or to give me endurance for some trial in my life. I know that my patience has wained thin on more then one occasion with the Lord, I'm ashamed to say. How many times has the Lord picked me up during one of my crying spells and looked at me with a sigh and loved me anyway. Wondering how could someone who was so loved, be so unhappy.
When I looked at Roman I thought of how unaware he was of my presence even. He was so caught up in throwing his fit that he didn't even realize that I was already remedying the problem. I tried to get his attention by talking to him, but he couldn't hear me through his wailing. So I just took it upon myself to turn him around and take him to his next destination, all the while on my hip. After a short time he became quiet and was looking at everything in front of him, and I was unsure if he even realized how he got where he was, and that I was holding him. He just became content, waving his arms and legs, thinking of the next thing he wanted to do.
Sharing this analogy makes me sheepishly smile. How similiar I am to Roman in the Lords eyes. I like to think that I am more aware then he, and in some aspects I am, but I am sure I am just like a baby in my understanding of his goodness and love to me. The thing is, I know that Roman loves me and needs me, just like I need the Lord.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Posted by Trina at 1:43 PM