Sunday, February 19, 2006

Is This How the Lord Sees Me?


Roman was screaming. Throwing a 3 months' old temper tantrum. He wanted to be held as I laid him on the bed. I sighed, turned back around and picked him up. I lifted his tiny stiffened body in the air in front of me. I was looking at him up close, as his eyes were squeezed tightly together, and his mouth was wide open letting out a breathtaking cry. I gazed at him with amazement. How can someone who was so loved become so unhappy? More surprisingly was how much love I had for him even with him screaming and demanding my attention. As we stayed in this postition for a few seconds I thought to myself, "Is this who I am to God?" The thought tickled me. Surely I was more mature in my dealings with the Lord then this infant was with me, or was I?

I pondered the many things I have sought the Lord about in my life. The times I asked him to do something for me, or to give me endurance for some trial in my life. I know that my patience has wained thin on more then one occasion with the Lord, I'm ashamed to say. How many times has the Lord picked me up during one of my crying spells and looked at me with a sigh and loved me anyway. Wondering how could someone who was so loved, be so unhappy.

When I looked at Roman I thought of how unaware he was of my presence even. He was so caught up in throwing his fit that he didn't even realize that I was already remedying the problem. I tried to get his attention by talking to him, but he couldn't hear me through his wailing. So I just took it upon myself to turn him around and take him to his next destination, all the while on my hip. After a short time he became quiet and was looking at everything in front of him, and I was unsure if he even realized how he got where he was, and that I was holding him. He just became content, waving his arms and legs, thinking of the next thing he wanted to do.

Sharing this analogy makes me sheepishly smile. How similiar I am to Roman in the Lords eyes. I like to think that I am more aware then he, and in some aspects I am, but I am sure I am just like a baby in my understanding of his goodness and love to me. The thing is, I know that Roman loves me and needs me, just like I need the Lord.

10 comments:

MarylandMommy said...

What a precious post.....all around.

momto3blessings said...

What a great post. I was actually thinking something similar the other day!!

Chris said...

Hi Trina, just came by to check out your blog, and I'm really glad I did. This post has really made me think! Becoming a mom did bring me closer to God, but certainly not as close as I'd like to be, as I should be. Looking at it from the angle you did has opened my eyes! Thank you :-)

Cdn_Chris from PW

Beth said...

Hey Trina,
Thanks for getting me going on my blog. It is going to be a lot of fun. Really enjoyed your post. Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts..it was really neat!!!

Mother-of-Hope said...

Wow! It's funny, because like you...I've thought similar things about Sam when I pick him up mid-scream...he's so clueless, lol! What I didn't do, was compare myself in a similar situation as God's child. Very enlightening! And food for thought. ;-)

Philena Rush said...

I must agree. This is a wonderful post. My son is 10months now, and he still awakes screaming sometimes. It makes me wonder what babies have nightmares about. When I was preggo, I had alot of bad dreams. I really didn't understand why. But our children do make us asks those simple questions. "Why and How"??

Nicki said...

Wonderful analogy! Thank you so much for sharing this moment of revelation with us, Trina. :)

Anonymous said...

Having a sweet baby that is so dependant on us and innocent makes us view our relationship with the Lord so differently. Hi Sis! I love you and love the way you look at this world.

TeresaGail

Kim said...

I love this post! :)

Nathan & Emily's Mommy (Mary) said...

I don't think anyone could have said it better.