Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Grab An Umbrella....

Things have been topsy turvy, inside out and upside down around here. I feel as if I have been all over the map and spread too thin. I've been on a bumpy road, going up hill both ways. Maybe it was all the monsters in my closet that finally did me under......I don't really know. I have debated, argued, pondered and contemplated my life, with myself, and finally decided it was time to celebrate the beginning of my third year blogging and just put up a post already. It is the month that it all began in 2006. Back then life seemed quieter and more simple. You know what.....it was. God must have known that I needed some down time before the next chapter of my life put me into a tail spin of sorts.

Ever since we have had our little Boaz I have been in the midst of changes. Some very sweet and good, but a lot of those changes have been challenging. I have questioned the fiber of my mothering skills lately. I have shed tears while walking down neighborhood streets with Mary, pouring out my heart to a dear friend who is always willing to listen and give me good spiritual loving advice. (Thank you Mary for all your care and friendship. God gave me quite an amazing gift when He put you in my life 10 years ago.)

So what's the big deal? What has kept me from posting? Life. That's it really. Somehow it felt complicated. As the boys have shifted again I have had to make some real strides and growth to meet their needs, and in with growing comes growing pains. I thought raising toddlers and babies was challenging until teenage sons popped into my parental life. Now I havent had anything happen that is horrible to speak of. No one is out doing drugs, or breaking any rules, no it's a simple as trying to keep everyone going in all the directions that their lives are taking them in and keeping them happy. Trying to encourage them on the scary paths of becoming men. Reminding them of who God is and what God is capable of. Making sure that job expectations are being met, school work is completed from Abram's public school, Levi's online academy and Isaiah's community college. Swinging various schedules with too few cars and not enough hours in the day. To put it honestly, I have been exhausted and depleted. I have felt guilty and full of questions. I would love to hear the Lord speaking a little louder and a little clearer in my ear, but who of us doesn't long for that at certain times of our lives.

The times that I have been alone (which seems rare) I have tried to draw in the wonderings of my mind and find that it is so full of muck that I struggle to keep it focused. I have even found myself praying, and in the middle of my prayer thinking about something else. That is horrible to admit, but what is the blog for if not to be honest about who I am and where I am at spiritually and otherwise. I ask the Lord to forgive me for my shortcomings, but how bad is it when in the midst of asking for forgiveness I get sidetracked. I would be so irritated with my boys if they behaved that way with me. Looking in the mirror is tough to do sometimes.

Anyway, I am not sure what I will be posting. I do plan on posting again though. It may not be as full of rainbows and butterflies.....hehehe....in fact we may have some downpours, but I hope that you will endure the sudden showers that this blog may encounter.

17 comments:

michelle said...

Hey it's great to have you back.

Tiffany said...

I've missed you! Tho i have many older Sisters in my life, i know God has given me my older blogger sisters to look to as examples as well. Not saying that to add an extra burden to you, just saying it because its good to hear from you!

I too have been distracted in my thoughts and have even fallen asleep on my knees while praying. It feels terrible, but i believe God understands and is very forgiving of it all.

Stay encouraged<3

Kim said...

I am so glad you posted again.

I'm sure anyone with teenagers really understand. I have 3 in our house and know how my thoughts go in so many directions. It's always nice to hear someone have the same things happening.

Keep the posts coming and I just pray that the Lord will continue to show you what he would have for you and maybe use your blog as a place to vent it all. We all can use the lessons!

Love you!

Lori said...

First of all, I was SO excited to see in my sidebar that you had updated!! I missed you!!!
Now, for the rest, we have to blog about the good stuff and the bad stuff. Life isn't all roses. The challenges are the stuff that makes us into who we are...hang tough!! HUGS!

Sis Stubby said...

Ah sis, that is called teenageitis.We parents get it when our children turn teenagers. It is only contageous to parents with said teenagers.It will leave when said teenagers turn 20 or so.I do belive God nows about this disease.
So you go ahead and talk to him about this .LOL
And this is the place to talk about what is brothing us.What kind of brotherhood would it be if we could not vent every now & then.
I will pray for you on this matter.
I have had this disease once.But it finally left when my teenagers turn 20 or so.

JoAnn said...

Listen Up Girlfriend! I have often watched you with your family and felt utterly in awe of you. That is not some make believe thing. You constantly amaze me in the love and patience you have for your children. I only wish I could have more of that myself. You keep a beautiful home and have a wonderful hubby who would lay down his life for you. I don't say this to make light of what you are feeling, just to let you know you are much better than you are giving yourself credit for right now. You know I have loved you since we were young girls and I feel very blessed to count you among my friends! Cheer Up Sissy, the sun will come out tomorrow or maybe the next day (hazard of living in the great northwest)but it will come out and you will again entertain us all with the wonderful wit of yours. Love, JoAnn

marykathryn said...

I think your are a GREAT mommy from 18 down to 10 months. Your boys adore you, even though I know you feel overwhelmed at times I know you love your life. Growing pains are HARD, you yourself let me in on that little secret... Along with alot of other amazing advice over the last 10 years. I too am soo greatful I that I have you to turn to..truly a precious gift! The Lord always gives us what we need just when we need it. Your in that survival mode that we always talk about, a double dose, we just always thought it only pertained to toddlers, I guess we were wrong..Go figure..hehe

Marisela said...

I'm glad to see a new post. I know life hasn't been a bed of roses for you lately, but you really are a great mom, and you only prove it with all your concern and sacrifice. The Lord knows you heart and your concerns....I'm still praying for you. *HUGS*

Laura said...

Glad to see a post from you Trina! And posting about the rain is just fine... it lets the rest of us struggling know that we are not alone. Big hugs to you, Trina!

Sharanya said...

I'm so glad to have you back. And going by everything I've learnt from you so far, I think you'll make it through whatever trials you're facing.

Fifi said...

So glad you're back !

You have always been an inspiration to me.... even though we have never met, you would be one of the bloggers that I would love to chat with over a cuppa!

Trina.... please don't be so hard on yourself about your prayer time. I often get distracted and start thinking of other things in the middle of a prayer.(I bet most people do.... we're only human!!!) I believe that the God we serve is gracious enough to understand our circumstances. Don't fall under condemnation.

Missed you !!

Sara-Jayne said...

I'm glad you are back posting, Trina! And please, post whatever you need to - we are all here with you!

Arianna (Erika) said...

This is my first time writing a comment in your blog although I'd been reading it for almost a year. I, like every other comment posted, am very happy to see a new post. I was worried and I was praying that you were fine. I am the mommy of a beautiful toddler and sometimes things get crazy with one! Can you imagine with all your wonderful boys? You are doing an amazing job, and you are an inspiration to me in good or bad days. I am glad that you are back :)

Peety said...

good to hear from you again :)

Neena said...

I do that with the praying, too. And I feel guilty, too! I'm glad you're back, and now I'm going to read your more recent post.

meNmykids said...

I'm with you on all of that! We must be in the same spot, sigh. You have always been an example to me and I'm sure you will gracefully go through your growing pains and suddenly be at the next stage.

meNmykids said...

Three years, wow! I just reread some of my old posts and cried and laughed in memory. I'm glad that I have chosen to keep a record. I love reading your record. Go Trina, Go.