Things have been topsy turvy, inside out and upside down around here. I feel as if I have been all over the map and spread too thin. I've been on a bumpy road, going up hill both ways. Maybe it was all the monsters in my closet that finally did me under......I don't really know. I have debated, argued, pondered and contemplated my life, with myself, and finally decided it was time to celebrate the beginning of my third year blogging and just put up a post already. It is the month that it all began in 2006. Back then life seemed quieter and more simple. You know what.....it was. God must have known that I needed some down time before the next chapter of my life put me into a tail spin of sorts.
Ever since we have had our little Boaz I have been in the midst of changes. Some very sweet and good, but a lot of those changes have been challenging. I have questioned the fiber of my mothering skills lately. I have shed tears while walking down neighborhood streets with Mary, pouring out my heart to a dear friend who is always willing to listen and give me good spiritual loving advice. (Thank you Mary for all your care and friendship. God gave me quite an amazing gift when He put you in my life 10 years ago.)
So what's the big deal? What has kept me from posting? Life. That's it really. Somehow it felt complicated. As the boys have shifted again I have had to make some real strides and growth to meet their needs, and in with growing comes growing pains. I thought raising toddlers and babies was challenging until teenage sons popped into my parental life. Now I havent had anything happen that is horrible to speak of. No one is out doing drugs, or breaking any rules, no it's a simple as trying to keep everyone going in all the directions that their lives are taking them in and keeping them happy. Trying to encourage them on the scary paths of becoming men. Reminding them of who God is and what God is capable of. Making sure that job expectations are being met, school work is completed from Abram's public school, Levi's online academy and Isaiah's community college. Swinging various schedules with too few cars and not enough hours in the day. To put it honestly, I have been exhausted and depleted. I have felt guilty and full of questions. I would love to hear the Lord speaking a little louder and a little clearer in my ear, but who of us doesn't long for that at certain times of our lives.
The times that I have been alone (which seems rare) I have tried to draw in the wonderings of my mind and find that it is so full of muck that I struggle to keep it focused. I have even found myself praying, and in the middle of my prayer thinking about something else. That is horrible to admit, but what is the blog for if not to be honest about who I am and where I am at spiritually and otherwise. I ask the Lord to forgive me for my shortcomings, but how bad is it when in the midst of asking for forgiveness I get sidetracked. I would be so irritated with my boys if they behaved that way with me. Looking in the mirror is tough to do sometimes.
Anyway, I am not sure what I will be posting. I do plan on posting again though. It may not be as full of rainbows and butterflies.....hehehe....in fact we may have some downpours, but I hope that you will endure the sudden showers that this blog may encounter.