Thursday, July 24, 2008

How To Lose Weight

I knew this would suck some of you in right away. Who doesn't want to know how people try to drop those ugly disturbing pounds, right? Well the tips I am about to share are easiest to do in the country and/or when having children, but they can be modified to city dwellers too.

Motivation can sometimes be challenging. What makes someone WANT to do the extra things that will allow them to burn those unwanted calories? Just telling myself I ought to isn't enough, but making them a neccessity of life works like a charm.

Country Version: Drag your empty trashcan about a quarter of a mile back home, up a steep incline, on your gravel driveway works great. Knowing that the trash bags will continue to stack up outside your door is a great motivation, having animals thrash the plastic bag that the garbage is placed in makes you not drag your heels. I am sure that if I took a FULL family size trashcan down the long driveway too I would be really muscular, but I haven't worked up to that yet.
City version: Even if you don't have an extra long, gravely, steep driveway you can still pull your trashcan around the neighborhood. It will probably make your neighbors think you are very environmentally conscience. You could even bend down and grab some trash along the way.

Country Version: Living in a house that has lots of stairs is highly recommended. Having 4 steps leading to your bedroom, 15ish down to the second level, 4-5 steps up to kids' rooms, steep stairs going down to your garage, and of course having a deck with stairs going to and from your front door is a bonus.
City Version: Only rent three story townhouses to dwell in when wanting to lose weight.

Taking advantage of the stairs is the next step. Only purchase one phone for your whole 3000 sq. ft home. It must be a cordless and if it never finds it's way back to the cradle you are in luck. Do make sure you have an answering machine that will pick up after 4-5 rings though, for until you are in shape and are used to running for your life for the phone you may miss a few. This is where teenagers come in handy, they use the phone regularly and hide the phone to give me an extra challenge. It really works on the glutes!

Now sleep is overrated. If you can have a nursing baby then you have struck gold here. Having a 3 month old that wakes every 2 hours to nurse is cream (no pun intended!). Think of all the calories I am burning producing milk, waking up, handling baby, and putting him back on his own when he is full. My upper body should be enormous from the workout, and I am only half awake in the whole process. Of myself, I would be too lazy to do all of this activity at night, that is why it is always nice to have the extra motivation of a high needs starving baby, but not all of us can be so lucky.

Food portions can be the most difficult to manage. I recommend only eating the leftovers of a child, preferably a toddler since they are the most wasteful. They also tend to leave the healthiest part of their food on their plate, and therefore you won't be tempted with anything yummy. Make sure to not give them too much of the yummy food just in case, because toddler's eyes tend to be bigger than their tummy. However, if you aren't sure what your child may eat, on any given day, just make sure to put ketchup on the plate and the yummies that get left behind will probably have been dipped in the red mess and will be less appealing to you.
HINT: Only pick one child to follow up, if you are like me you may have multiple children, avoid the temptation to clean up more than one child's plate.

Well everyone knows that I love Starbucks, but some of you have other addictions (I mean joys), and here is the best way to handle those. Bring a hungry demanding toddler with you on said excursions. It seems that no matter what you buy, or how big or small, the delightful toddler will want as much of the goodie as yourself. It is always a little more successful if you are in the vehicle and here is why. You hand your drink or baked good back to your child and they don't want to hand it back up. There is nothing you can really do since you are behind the wheel, however do NOT attempt to climb back, desperately, to retreive the item, a police officer will pull you over and fine you (trust me, not worth it!).

Having a home that has had a bat or two is an extra luxury that not all can have, again it is easier in the country. Screaming and dodging black, scary, flying, rodents burns calories like you wouldn't believe. I am sure you could go to a pet store and lose a tarantula or so and this would keep you on your toes as well though.

Carrying heavy awkward feed bags for pigs is a real thigh burner. Don't push your feedbags on a cart after purchasing them from the feedstore, just throw them over your shoulder like a real country woman would. Ohhhh if you can try to hold a two year olds hand while venturing to your car, it will take your mind off the searing back pain.

Shoveling manure that is dried to the barn floor is mindless work. Make sure you have some buckets to fill and then you can carry them out to your garden area to dump. If you can find a bucket that has a weak wire handle then you have just increased the workload for yourself.

My last piece of aerobic advice is to take a walk. Again, finding the motivation to get off your couch can be difficult. This is why I recommend that your husband drop you off along the road. I live in the country and therefore feel quite safe being dropped off randomly in the middle of nowhere, although I don't recommend you wear church clothes. When your husband looks at you like you have lost your mind and seems concerned about you making it home safely, just think of the wonderful reunion when he sees you arrive safely, eventually.

City Version: If you live some place that isn't as quiet and safe don't let that hinder you. If you live on a rougher side of town you will probably just walk a little faster and brisker, think of all the calories you will burn trying to get home.

These are just SOME of my helpful tips, if I think of any more I will make sure I share. After all, don't we all want the same thing? To live and be the best we can be.

33 comments:

Laci said...

haha, oh my goodness...You make me laugh! I love this lil blog, I will be sure to start applying it to my life immediatly! ;)

Tish said...

You've really motivated me Trina! I think I'll get around and take my trash can for a walk while I haul my grumpy and hungry kids around to help me eat my "reward" at the corner market!

This is all some very great weight loss tips. Since I know being pregnant I'll be prone to putting on extra pounds I'll be sure to follow some of thes tips. I'm thinking of going to a pet shop and investing in my very own bats. I wonder if they'll have any for sale?

Mrs.Martin said...

Too Funny Sis! Love the way your mind works.

Jumping up and down... while eating your cereal with a fork, helps too! LoL

momto3blessings said...

Too funny! I love it.

Neena said...

Looks like I missed a couple of posts, there. I love all of your pictures.

And this was definitely a great post! I think I'm going to follow as many of your directions as I can... it might help if I had a husband and some of my own kids - but I will try to remember these tips when I'm married! LOL. This, as I said before, was a great post! I appreciated it to the fullest.

Neena said...

P.S. I think I'm going to put a link to this post on my sidebar, if you don't mind. Then any time that I am feeling lost at losing weight, or any time I just need a good laugh, it will be right there.

marykathryn said...

Okay that was sooo funny...the scary thing is that I can relate to WAY to much of your life..However, you have forgotten the ever so common problem in my house where when the little one is too inpatient for commercials and so every 12 mins you find yourself dropping what you are doing (literally) and dashing off down or up the stairs, to fast forward just long enough until the next 8 minutes rolls around..OR..when you take a shower in the 3-5 min alloted time allowed by the private police. Because you know that any minute Somebody is gonna want Something..Keep that heart rate up, that is the key!! LOL

Raine said...

Lol, loved this post! It got me giggling. ;)

Marisela said...

You are too funny! You make my day.

Mrs. Mom said...

LOL You really are too funny! Great ideas... maybe I should borrow a baby and a toddler or two. lol

Kalisha said...

I love your tips. I always LOVE your posts. And remember you told us you would post other tips when you think of them so don't forget.

JoAnn said...

I'll add one. Chase the horses for 45 minutes while you and half the neighborhood try to get them back in the corral!! Burns at least 500 calories not to mention those you burn just thinking of the many ways you could dispose of said horses!

Lori said...

That is the funniest post! Ha!! I loved it ~ thanks for the laughs! Growing up in the country, I can relate to some of them.

Chantel said...

Whew! You have been working hard! I have one question though, what if your child/children clean their plates? I guess the diet works even better if you don't any food.

Blue~Flame said...

Oh hell, i'll try again i guess...
i wonder who'll patent that..:|

Sister D said...

What a crack-up! You are so clever with your words :)My girl and I were rollin on the floor in laughter (HEY!! I wonder how many calories that burns)

Sylvia said...

I love this post. I knew there was a reason I hadn't lost weight. I never drag my trash can around the neighborhood. Please give those of us who don't have the privilege of shoveling manure, lugging pig feed, bats in the house, etc. some hints.
I have really enjoyed these posts. Please keep them coming.

Laura said...

How funny... thanks for the giggles, and some of the ideas!

Sharanya said...

Love the country version more :) And I second Tish, you really ARe motivating! I think I've told you this so many times, you must be tired!

Boaz looks so CUTE, touchwood!

Sis. Leah said...

That is funny. Thanks for the laugh :)

Colleen said...

You are too funny! I loved this post! :)

ConservaChick said...

This is hysterical! I echo Joann's comment. Only with sheep. GREAT cardio! ~K

meNmykids said...

From the photo you seem to have done well with your weight loss regime. Mine is so mundane in comparison. You have such an awesome sense of humor, gotta love ya!

Steff said...

Your brood is absolutely delightful and adorable, but if that is what it takes to be skinny...I'd rather stay plump!

I admire you so much for making it work, but I don't know exactly how you do it. :)

I do agree with the trash part though. Now that I live in an apartment, I must dump the kitchen trash every other day to prevent smells. And since I don't have a place to keep a huge can, I walk every bag to the dumpster.

Doing what I can I suppose! :)

Chantel said...

I am assuming you had some phone issues because it kept having a busy signal when I tried to call you back. I only have 200 min left till the 19th anyway. I won't be calling much until after that.

skylene said...

This is such a funny post! And I have one to add: Accidently paint your den pink so you have to paint it again sooner.

meNmykids said...

You must be REALLY busy dragging the trash can etc.?

Neena said...

We don't mind if the next post is not as good as this one, Sis. Trina... we would rather just have a post!

meNmykids said...

Where is Trina? We miss you.

Neena said...

We miss hearing from you.

Neena said...

SIS-ter Trina! I thought you were going to post.

kathy said...

Too funny! I totally agree on the stairs part. We moved recently to a one level home and I miss the 3 story home due to the great work out I got every day from doing laundry, cleaning, schooling the boys, looking for the boys, chasing the dog, etc. :0
Fun post!

Fifi said...

I'm missing your news!!!!Hope all is well!