My pregnancy has came to a bit of a standfstill mentally for me. It's close enough now that I am focused on the end result, and longing to give birth. I realize that I have four weeks to go, and even though that isn't long it feels like too long. I am not an early birther. In fact, four out of the five children have been late, all but Roman. However, I console myself that my cycle before I conceived Roman was very on time and regular, and that was the case with this baby too.
I find myself looking in the mirror, before I shower, to see how much my tummy has grown in hopes of seeing some tell tale sign of what day I will give forth life. Of course, there is no sign. I am looking forward to having the new little one here and feeling like a singular human again. I am now double checking my stockpile of baby things, making sure I have all the needs of the baby and myself met. I don't have it all, but I am very close, and I have hesitated a little on some of it for fear that if all is here and waiting that it will make the labor seem all the more in the distant future.
As much as I am ready to do this thing, I also have an incredible dread that comes over me. Knowing five times over what labor means to me and my body is indescribable. I try to prepare myself by going over all my birthing options. How each of my labors have gone in the past, and how I might improve upon it. Nonetheless, the reality is such that no matter what I do the pain will be there, and its a pain that must be endured in order to bring forth life. I find myself praying and praying for a speedy and as painfree delivery as the Lord will allow.
I am more tired now. I lumber around more, maybe more than even my last pregnancy. This body is feeling this sixth one. I am anxious to have two babies close together again, but I understand the stark realities of having a toddler and an infant and their high demands. I am so thankful for my older sons and the HUGE help they are to me currently, and I know will be once their new sibling arrives. They are going to make incredible daddies and husbands, although it won't surprise me if they have a strong desire to be childrenless for a few years while they enjoy their freedom and their brides....lol.