Friday, November 09, 2007

No Such Thing As Perfect


I was thinking about a post I read today about people who aren't honest about their parenting difficulties. How, we, moms already feel guilty a lot, and we don't always feel like we can share the dilemmas that we are having with our children, because we may be JUDGED! What a shame. We need to talk to other moms and women who have been there, done that, and are not afraid to admit it. After all, we are not raising perfect saints, we hope to get them in good shape spiritually, but we are all sinners, for goodness sakes.

Now I think my boys are pretty grand, and honestly they are really good boys, but they are flawed. So am I. I have raised my voice plenty of times in this house, I'm not even sure that every time I have regretted it....lol There are days that I am at my wits end and they know it. However, since I am a constant work in progress I see where I need to grow too. I don't think I am a perfect woman raising perfect kids. Pleeeease!

I have some core issues that I don't bend on when it comes to raising my kids, and in those I feel pretty good with our little family. However, by other people's standards I may be missing the mark. However, every family has to come to their own terms and ideas of what is the most important values to teach your children. There are some things for me that are black and white with hard fast rules, but other stuff I am willing to compromise on.

We eat sugary cereal. We watch Disney movies and Nick Jr. We have read all the Harry Potter books, and have seen the movies. My kids collected Pokemon cards when they were black balled in the christian community. I let my boys play with toy guns, and they are allowed to wrestle and be physical as long as everyone is having fun. My boys know how to cook for themselves so that Dad and I can go out on the town and not have to worry about them. Dad and I rarely take the boys to a nice restaurant (since it is so expensive), but we take them to Taco Bell, Burger King, and Pizza Schmizza (even Starbucks for a little something something...hehehe). I am not saying that they don't ever get to go out to a nice restaurant, but its not the norm for our large family. We take candy out of their Halloween bags that we want, and we call it our "Daddy Tax" for taking them trick or treating. We are fair with it, but there is no guilt involved. I have had my toddler throw a doozy of a fit in public and blushed from embarassment. I have put my boys' nose on a door and forgot about them before, because I was busying doing something else.....lol The thing is the boys know that their Dad and I are not perfect. We say we are sorry, and we try to explain things to them as to why we do certain things, and why we want them to make the same good decisions in their own lives.

I don't tolerate back talking, hurting on purpose, foul words, laziness, flagrant disobedience, or putting each other down. Does it happen from time to time? Yes. However, it is on my list of "Don't put up with it", so it isn't a continuous problem. We may have one son, for awhile, that tests the water, and man do I stay on top of him for it. That is to be expected, they are, after all, human and want to make sure I mean what I say. Which, for the most part, I do.

So I think that its important that we can share the good, the bad, and the ugly and not feel judged, or that we are experiencing this alone. I assume everyone is dealing with it. I don't think I have EVER looked at another parent and thought that they had perfect children. I think that she may be great about staying on top of her struggles, but struggles DO exist for each and every one of us.

26 comments:

Liberty said...

Have you read "Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe?" On the back of the book it has a comic that is totally relevant to this post. It has a mom driving her kids to a friends house looking at her kids in the rearview mirror saying something like..."Don't tell them we sleep until 9:30, or that you watch power rangers, and had cereal for breakfast." :)

Trina said...

Liberty: I have seen that comic! So funny!!

meNmykids said...

I have been struggling with the guilt. We have a lot of children, a small budget, and only one me. My kids don't get a lot of things that other kids do (sigh) Our house is not as in order as others (sigh) and I'm not terribly fashion inclined (sigh). My kids have flaws, but they have so much potential. I tend to blame myself for things that are really out of my control. I can say that I try my very hardest to teach my kids the ways of the Lord. For us, when one starts testing the waters they all catch it and try, all at once. In those times I feel terrible about myself. Today to be exact! Thanks for a great post and I admire the way you deal with your family.

Trina said...

Gale: Thank you soooo much for sharing that with me. I have to say that I have had plenty of guilt and questioned my parenting skills too. It is hard! It is also easy to look at someone else and think that they probably dont have guilt or questions. However, I love the conversations (the real convos I have had)with other moms who have talked me off the bridge...hehehe We need help, love, support and honesty. I want my blog to be that. Not something that ever makes someone feel like they arent doing enough, but one that shows the humor, joys, hardships and soberness of raising kids. Hurray for us moms who keep on keeping on, right? *huge smile*

Marisela said...

I have definately had my moments of doubt when it comes to my kids. Questions of if i am teaching the right things by example. It is good to know that others feel the same from time to time. Thanks for the post.

Mom of 3, Aunt of 13 said...

Great Post! Travis and I are always wondering about our parenting skills. Sometimes lately we can see were they're starting to turn out to be good little people. It seems my kids are always fighting. So the other day in the van I had a talk with my girls about trying our friendship skills out on each other. I said its good practice to be a friend to your sister(brother) so that you will be a good friend to other people. Unfortunately I think my 3 year old is the only one who has taken that talk to heart. She keeps saying that she's being a friend to her sister. Thankfully my girls are very close. :)

Rick said...

We did many of the same things - and our girls have turned out pretty well. Thankfully they were never interested in Pokemon - but oh the Barbie stuff that we use to have.

http://organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/

Katie & the boys said...

Love this post, Trina. I couldn't agree more. I mentioned the "daddy tax" to my husband while I giggled and he said "daddy tax?" in such a way that I know he's borrowing that concept with joy!
Most of my friends and I share our downfalls about momhood all the time. I remember one sister telling me she couldn't believe something she said to her kids, "That's it, I'm taking away fun" and then she stood there at a total loss of words herself. Thanks for the reminder that we really are all in the same boat, nothing without Christ. I'm doing a study at church called Titus 2, woman to woman, it's a mentor study--you are a great example to me of a mom with 5 boys as I have 3 boys so far. Thanks for that!

Steff said...

I'm single with no kids so I don't really have anything to add to this post. Just wanted to stop by and say hello!

Joytoday said...

Trina,
We have done a Daddy tax for years too!!!! I sooooo appreciate your blog. I have 3 boys and I love to read your stuff for encouragement. Keep up the good work! You are ministering to more people than you know!
Joytoday

Angela said...

What an awesome post and so true. Thanks for that!

Lori said...

Great post! Thanks for the smiles - loved the daddy tax and the nose to the door & oops forgetting! LOL!

Seriously though, I think Mom's are too hard on themselves sometimes. We have to be able to admit our faults and talk about things to each other - not put on airs that we are perfect. I don't have kids yet, but I hope when I do that I admit when I fail, and you better believe I'll be asking for help on my blog! ha!

Sister Charlene said...

Well as a Sister in the faith I guess I needed to hear that were human I am often times afraid to admit that raising my daughter is harder than I thought it would be after all I am 46 years old and she is 3. I think I will go blog about how she thinks she is the boss at 3 years old lol again you have touched me Sister Trina and I love you for it

Mrs.Martin said...

I think a good blog or good friend, should be honest and share their achievements, failures,confidences and insecurities. After all, it is a long duration of time to raise a child or family. So there will be both naturally. I like this post, nice reminder. Love ya.

tonsofsons said...

Boys rule!

http://tonsofsons.wordpress.com/

Just love your blog title.

Can't wait to see if you will have 6 boys ~ also, love your boys name. So cute! You are so blessed!

Mrs. Mom said...

I love honesty in a blog. It seems like everyone I read has perfect marriages... I don't. But we make it through with God's help.

Oh and let me tell you about parental guilt... large family parenting is challenging in more ways than one. Financial... kids sharing rooms, fashionable shoes or payless shoes? In high school... payless shoes? Ohno... hand me downs! Yeah. My kids wore hand me downs too.

Another guilt I felt twangs of... vacationing amongst the brethren instead of going to Disneyland, week long cruises, or flying our kids to Europe during summer break. Yeah. But the relationships we've built through the years is well worth the choice to skip Europe and long cruises.

I get over the parental guilt when I realize how God has blessed me with wonderful adult children, living to serve the Lord our God... it's worth it all.

Cherrie said...

I think all of us moms struggle with things but we do the best we can. I loved reading your post this morning.

Rhen (yestheyareallmine) said...

Great post and great comments!!
If we celebrated Halloween you bet there would be a Mom Chocolate Tax and a Daddy What Do You Have That Is Good Tax. LOL
Good days, bad or just somewhere in between, they are all ours. Thank you God!!
I am a firm believer that you don't have to have all the latest, most expensive and lead laced gadgets to have happy kids. I am one of only two and we didn't have all the latest gadgets but we had a terrific childhood! Our having a somewhat large family isn't why we don't buy all that stuff. It is because we choose to offer them things that mean much more (now and when they grow up) like time with family, trips to the local orchard, camping trips, fishing trips and such. They do get gifts, don't get me wrong, but the they are things like chemistry sets, experiments, puzzles, books, etc.
Thanks for the post.

Gram-Mom said...

Hi Sis Trina I would like to be in your friends so here is my blog
http://grammomofone.blogspot.com
now you can read me too

Jules said...

This is a very good post with lots of truths. Noone is perfect when it comes to raising kids. I know an older sister that once said, "If you know how to raise a child, then you've never raised a child" Some people think they are so smart and they know exactly what to do in different situations, but the truth is, you don't really know what you would do until you're faced with it. I enjoyed your post very much!

Chantel said...

Wonderful post! I had to giggle over the pizza and starbucks though, because Andy shared with me on the way home from your house today how that he is now addicted to Starbucks (someone introduced him to a white mocha, and ideas who that would be??)and Godfathers pizza!

You are awesome with your kids and I feel totally comfortable sending Andy over to get in the mix, in fact I count it as a true blessing. Thank you so much for having him!

Trina said...

Chantel: You know we absolutely LOVE him!!! He truly is just like one of the boys, he blends in so well that he gets treated EXACTLY the same. That is why he is so easy. You are very welcome, ANYTIME!! Sorry about the Starbucks addiction maybe we can do an intervention if it becomes a serious problem! hahaha

marykathryn said...

Great Post!! There are flaws in everyone of us and ya know why??...because we are HUMAN!! Just because we have the label "Mommy" doesn't give us some sort of mysterious code to the secrets of life and being perfect. Now that being said...I think you do an amazing job with your boys!!...
Sigh..raising kiddos is ALOT of work.............

Kim said...

Where are you????

Yes, I finally put together a blog too so I will no long be signing my comments with Kim In Idaho.

dakotablueeyes said...

I love this post. So true, and I tell me daughter who keeps trying to be perfect with her clothes and hair that NOBODY is perfect they just think they are.

ConservaChick said...

Well Trina, If your going to open up the whole kids and coffee thing, I guess I'll confess. My 9 year old loves Starbucks in a big way.... and we are not talking hot chocolate. Mochas, Lattes, you name it. She's also convinced her daddy to pour her a little "cup of joe" in the mornings (with mostly milk per my demand). Oh, but it's bonding moments for the two of them so I really only object becasue I'm supposed to. Still, she asked for a cute little pink "travel mug" for Christmas (so she can drink her coffee in the car). Hmm, starting to get nervous. ~Karlie