Wednesday, October 03, 2007

This Mothering Thing Is Hard

I was on my knees in my bedroom, praying. Tears were streaming down and dampening the carpet beneath me. Even though I felt as if I was over reacting from a moment, earlier, I also felt like I had bottled a lot of my mothering fears up, and was ready to just dump them out before the Lord. I could feel that He was listening, so I was taking advantage of His time.

It had been a bad mothering day. Nothing monumental occurred, but just one more day of doubting myself. Wondering HOW I would handle some of the things that were coming my way in parenting. On the surface I seem confident to my children. I seem like I have ALL the answers, but even with this facade the boys will test me. I just hope that I don't appear doubtful when making my point. (They can smell weakness...LOL) By the end of our debate I felt weathered. I was sick of trying to figure out the answers to life's problems. I just wanted to have a cup of hot tea, and worry about teaching my 6 year old addition and subtraction. When did life become so complicated?

I called Den to tell him about the situation. He told me he would pray for me, but I know I sounded defeated. It wasn't until I sat on the chair in my bedroom, stoning my heart up, that I realized I was going about it all wrong. I was trying to do this all on my own. I was feeling like I was failing because I didn't always have the solutions for the problems that would arise with my teens. It was like a mini conversation went on in my head; fall down on your knees, humble yourself, bring your problems to me. So I did, and when I did I gushed like a dam that was on the brink of destruction.

After I cleansed myself before the Lord I headed downstairs. I figured that I had my heart in the right place, and that I would just have to let the rest fall by the wayside. However, the Lord had worked in my son's heart too. He came to me, apologized, and put his arms around me. Our argument wasn't over anything important, it was more of a power struggle. A boy flexing his proverbial muscles, and me, reminding him of his place. It was a small power of the wills that at the end of it all was mentally exhausting. I don't always have the answers. I don't always feel prepared on any given day, at any given moment. There are days I wonder what I am doing homeschooling, sacrificing the peace and quiet of my home only to have these sorts of run-ins. It's only when I go to my Heavenly Father that He takes us by the hand, and works in our hearts. This is the VERY reason I do homeschool, when I really think about it. To take these opportunities to help fine tune their hearts, and give the Lord opportunity to work with us; to mold us. That through these moments we can talk about our heart, our place in this life, and how God views us. As long as we can get to the right end result (which is only reached through the Lord's help), but when we get there how ground breaking it is. It's a moment of triumph, that at the end of my mothering years I can feel good about. Teaching them how to do math and stuff is important, but molding them in to who God wants them to be is the real goal. It is difficult, and there are times that I feel like maybe I haven't made any headway. It's not until the Lord steps in that I can see a change in their heart that is critical into turning them in to good men for the Lord. I am not equipped alone. I have my own flesh to battle, but the Lord really cares. These are his sons too, and when He steps in and I step back, the results melt, even, me.

So at the end of the day it was a good day. It was a draining day, but a very good day.

19 comments:

Tish said...

Mothering is tough sometimes. I feel for you, even though I'm sure I still have the hardest part ahead of me! I'll know who to come to for advice! It is amazing what God does if we just humble ourselves before him. I really feel like I did that on Monday; and then yesterday we got the good news about our house. God is good!

meNmykids said...

I feel for your struggle. I can so understand the uncertainty, the questioning why sacrifice the peace etc. I too go through these very things, sometimes I have to just pray, pray, pray to have the stronger will than my girls. This mothering stuff IS hard. Seems to me the whole living thing, everything, (marriage, parenting, cooking, cleaning, everything) is HARD. Too hard for me, I have to have His help, I'm not strong enough on my own. Or smart enough.

Jules said...

Like Tisha, I am a little worried about the kind of problems my kids will put me through on those lovely teenage years ahead of me!! It always feels sooo great to pour your heart out to the Lord though. I'm glad that things turned out better for you afterward :)

Cherrie said...

Ohh the power struggle, what a fight. I already have that with my two older ones. But I wouldn't change anything, being a mom, wife, housekeeper, teacher, and sister is what the good Lord put us here for. So just stay on your knees and I will get on mine and we will get the answers we need for raising children. I am glad your day has gotten better.

~Java Mama~ said...

Trina, you are such an amazing woman of God that I find so encouraging in my journey as a mother. As mothers we all face these power struggles and they are so draining on our emotions. I find myself huddled on the floor of my room at least once a month or so pouring my injured heart out to God, and oh how beautiful the way He does like you said take us by the hand and guide us having heard our groaning. He is so good, thank you for the gentle reminder that He is our STRENGTH and our ROCK and that we are NOT alone to in this HARD but AMAZING journey of motherhood. He does care!! Thanks, YOU are AWESOME!

JOYFully in Him,
Kelli

Kim in Idaho said...

Trina, have you been watching at my house? I guess many homes with teens sound the same. Everyone learning where the "power" actually lies. Moms remembering where to go for help and answers and the kids learning where they are on the food chain! Seeing the example of where to go in time of trouble is awsome. The kids see the true power of god and who really is the head of our families. Until you have teenagers I dont know that you understand how many prayers it takes to raise our children. Boy, am I getting a good idea. My prayers are with all my sisters that are like me, raising teens. Keep me in your prayers too. Love ya!

Mother-of-Hope said...

(((hugs))) I know how you feel; I've had similar moments with my older two; but especially with my oldest being 12 1/2 and heading into those teen years, I know we're just hitting the tip of the iceberg. I just keep repeating two things, 1. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..." and 2. "He will never allow me to be tested beyond my power to remain firm; at the time (I) am put to the test, He will give (me) the strength to endure it, and so provide (me) with a way out."

Mrs.Martin said...

Honest and Beautiful post. Having teenagers is a process, not neccesarily a bad one, but exhausting sometimes. They are becoming adults and they are watching and yes, sometimes judging too. You are doing a wonderful job and taking it to the Lord makes it perfectly done.

Lori said...

I have heard that I want to be a parent from ages of 2 to 12 - ha! I cringe when I think of some of the grief I gave my Mom as a teenager!! I hope it doesn't come back double-time for me as a Mom someday! ha!
Your strength and faith are inspiring!! This too shall pass! Hang in there & continue to seek guidance from the Lord.

marykathryn said...

Oh Trina, being a mom is HARD WORK. Knowing all and doing all is just impossible and that is why having the Lord in our life is so amazing. You do a wonderful job with your kids and ALL your work is paying off and will continue to pay off all the days of your life. Training our children up in the way they should go is a process, but I can see by your fruits that it can be done. Hang in there!
Love you!!

Beth said...

Trina....have had days like that too. This scripture has brought me comfort when you feel like you just don't know what to do or how to handle things. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."

Melissa @ From Melissa's Desk said...

This post was very encouraging to me. I needed to hear this today. Thank you!

jennyb said...

It's awesome what God can do, not only in our hearts, but also in the hearts of those we are in conflict with. It is hard, because we all have difficult mothering days...even some women who seem to 'have it all together'! Your husband responded a lot like my hubby does. There's not a lot he can do from where he is, but praying is the key, right. It is the only thing that can unlock doors that are impossible to unlock on our own:)

billynbarb said...

That really sounds like my day with one of my daughters. She thought her way of doing her math was better even if it didn't produce the correct answer. It was a bad day today.

Nadine said...

Being a mom is not always easy, but you did the best thing you could do - go to the Father. I'm glad it worked out and the Father soften your son's heart to. You're an amazing mom...even on days like these you do the right thing.

Fifi said...

I felt your heart in this post! So happy that you were able to reconcile quickly and meaninfully! This Scripture comes to mind..... Her children arise up.... and call her blessed.(Prov 31:28)
Have a wonderful weekend!

Jules said...

HEHE, yeah my kids totally take after Ryan and Chantel. Not only do they LOOK just like those 2, they ACT just like thos 2 also! It's crazy. Taylor is looking more and more (and acting) like Chantel every day. She even rubs her hands together when she gets excited (on her OWN!) By the way, I think I've meant to tell you that you have 5 handsome boys! I can't wait to meet you someday :)

Be Inspired Always said...

My son is creeping into those teenage years. I"m not to worry YET, because we have such an outstanding relationship. I hope it never changes, if it does then that is when the struggle will occur.



Jillian

Sunydazy said...

I've had a few days like this recently...I so enjoyed this post...it spoke to me where I am. I also have had to crumble before the Father recently...several times!...it's amazing what He does when we remember to take it all to Him!