What is more sweeter in life? I find myself lying on beds, floors, or tucked around corners, being as quiet as a church mouse so that I can sneak undetectable moments of him at play. You know the times where they don't know they are being watched, and are in their own little world?
I look at him still and think back to who I thought he would be. I couldn't wait to see all the little parts of his body grow and change. To see him transform from newborn, to baby, to toddler, to all the other benchmarks of human life. He is Roman, and he is like no other in this house. Sure, I see a little of each of my sons in him, but he is uniquely him. I sit quietly sometimes, and wonder why he came fifth, how come God brought him to us at all, and just how plain lucky I am.
I remember when I was first married it took Den and I awhile to conceive River. We were genuinely worried that we may not be able to have children. Keep in mind that it was only nine months of throwing all caution to the wind, but it felt like a lifetime to us. My sister had conceived and bore twice, by the time I had conceived once, and we had been married only one year apart. I remember the whole family praying on our behalf.
Ever since that trial was over I have gotten pregnant every month that we have tried. I truly believe that God blessed my womb, but I never knew that it would be five times, and sons, nonetheless. (not to say that a girl would hurt my feelings...hehehe) However, I understand the biblical significance of sons, and so I am grateful.
So, as I am now an older mom to my younger children, I think I appreciate the beauty of motherhood more. I am more careful to take care of their feelings, and not so ready to push them aside for lesser things that can consume my day. I am not perfect in this, but I have come a long way.
I like who I am as a mom now. I have prayed hard to be the mom that I am. I can't even tell you all the prayers that have ascended the throne on my children's behalf, and even for my own. So many times, not having the answers or the solutions to certain problems. In this, God has given me more wisdom and patience. I am so glad, because it's made this mothering thing such a beautiful way to live my life.