Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Getting On Board




Okay I'm doing it, but for now, just one day at a time. For the longest time I have wanted to get in to shape, but the only progress I could make was in my mind. My body wouldn't join in, I think it liked being lazy. Nontheless, I am the boss.


I'm sitting here trying to think about my changing point. What finally got me motivated enough to do something about it everyday. However, it really has been more of a slower process. I noticed that I never liked to see myself without clothes on, when I would go shopping I would grab the larger size and sometimes it still didn't fit right, and all in all I was beginning to resolve myself that this was "just life". Well when I went to the gym, half heartily, I jumped on their scale and I was so depressed. The number that shot back at me was higher than it had been in a long time. I kind of just stood there in my towel dumbfounded, and I had a conversation in my mind. I asked myself some serious questions and the answers that kept coming back were all ones of futility and defeat.

When I headed back to my locker I began to put my clothes back on, and then I headed over to one of the full length mirrors that are everywhere. I just sort of looked at myself. I mean really checked myself out, and I thought don't I have some control over this? Of course I do.


So even though I am motivated in a way that I haven't been in a long long time, I also know that my problem is consistency. I make excuses for myself all the time. Like for instance if I want a Carmel mocha, chocolate brownie, or any other sweet thing that comes along. I have to start loving myself more than that, but also recognize how this makes me feel mentally over time. I really don't like the mental battle I have with myself at night. The feeling of failure and than just giving up.


Therefore, I am only taking it one day at a time. I spoke to Mary about it on the phone yesterday and told her that I needed a new swimsuit. The one I have been wearing doesn't even fit me properly. I wore it while I was pregnant with Roman.....geesh, but trying on swimsuits is a literal nightmare for me. However, I did it. I bought one yesterday. I dragged one in to the fitting room with me last night, put it on, and spent a ridiculous amount of time just staring at myself. I bought myself a pair of gym pants too. They are a little big in some areas and yet a little snug in others. I guess that is what I mean, my body is out of proportion. Hopefully, not for long though.


I am taking it one day at a time, maybe even one denial at a time. If that makes any sense. Meaning, every time I tell myself I don't need a mocha, or a candy bar, or whatever it is I am craving, unnecessarily, I am just going to celebrate it a little in my mind. Each day I make it to the gym to workout I am going to go bed with a little more peace of mind that I am the boss, and not my laziness. I don't want to be unhappy. I also know who I am and the battle that lies before me, but I just need to think about this as one day at a time. If I think about how I want to look right now, and then I see what I am facing currently, I always want to just give up and eat a big fat piece of chocolate. For now though, I am doing it. I have worked out for 2 days in a row, and I haven't had a hot creamy chocolaty drink since Saturday. Two big victories for me. I hope to implement more, but for now I am celebrating!

16 comments:

meNmykids said...

Good for you! I did so well for so long, but now I am really struggling. Right when it could really make the biggest difference. I have been looking too much at the whole picture, not breaking it down to one day at a time. Whatever is going on in my head, I hope that I can get a handle on it, I really don't want to lose all that ground. By the way, you look great, I could only wish.

Kim in Idaho said...

Good for you Trina! Bathsuit shopping is the worst thing ever! Maybe I too will get motivated. Probably not. I THINK I have come to the conclusion I am happy being fat and sassy! LOL That is for now... We'll see what happens when I try to put on shorts or a bathsuit. LOL

kristarella said...

One denial at a time. I love it!
I rode home yesterday from Fred Meyer with a Cadbury bar on my lap. Hey,
I rode right passed the Starbucks drive-thru! You inspire me my friend.
But......not till after I make this move across town. yooohooo!
Have a great week!

ConservaChick said...

I have had that same experience. At the gym, looking at the scale thinking "When did this happen?"
Good for you giving up your creamy chocolatey drinks for 2 whole days! I can't usually make it past noon. I have woke up every morning this last week, planning to go running, but instead, I walk to the kitchen in my fuzzy pink robe, make myself a mocha, and tell myself, "I'll start tomorrow". ~Karlie

Lori said...

Good luck!! I would have to take it one day at a time too! I love sweets and to eat and HATE exercise!!! And, trying on swimsuits - YUCK! It is so depressing!!! Keep us posted and we can cheer you on!

javamamma said...

I am trying to de-flab a little before a trip to San Antonio and pretty much went 'just a splenda please' in my lattes. Not as much fun but I couldn't give it up completely! Good Luck in your venture!

Nadine said...

Way to go. It's great to take one step at a time. That's the only way to do it. I rejoice with you in the little victories because they lead to bigger victories.

la bellina mammina said...

Aren't we our own worst enemies? I think you look great and good for ya in taking it one step at a time...

Anonymous said...

I found a neat site the other day www.hungry-girl.com
Lots of goodies on there, low fat, low calorie goodies.
By the way I've seen your pics that you have posted, you look great.

Blessings,
Crystal
an occassional lurker from homeschoolblogger :)

Sis. Lori P. said...

You can do it Trina! I've been working out (we have an elyptical at home) and tracking what I eat on thedailyplate.com since early April and I've lost 9 lbs! Good honest weight loss by counting calories. Having to log what I eat everyday really has helped because I realize that I've just plain been eating too much! I do NOT want to have to eat low fat food. It tastes terrible...we all know it. It's also not healthy! I just need to be temperate in what I do eat; eat less... and the pounds will come off. What got me started was this: I went to the local Safeway and saw a friend that worked in the bakery that I hadn't seen in a long time. I almost didn't recognize her! She had lost so much weight. I asked her how she did it and she said good old fashioned calorie counting! I went home and really thought about that and whined to myself thinking no way do I have time to count stupid calories! But then a few weeks later I saw thedailyplate.com mentioned in a library (of all places!) magazine. Went to the site and logged in and it's been really simple. You should check it out!

Trina said...

Sis. Lori: Thanks! I will go check it out right now! =-)

Mrs.Martin said...

I always think I have commented, then I come back and check and I haven't.

Well, I know you very well Sis. You will be full of sucess and you will meet your goal. One day at a time is the best way for anything that is hard to do.

BTW.. You are one long legged beauty anyway. Pleaassseeee....

marykathryn said...

Well you know my stance on this subject, however I am your loyal friend and what makes you happy makes me happy..
I know you can get to where you want to be, and I hope I can get there too!!..LOL

Rosann said...

Your enthusiasm is contagious:) That is a good thing! Hope your good start keeps on rolling. I agree with the other gals, you are already where many moms would like to be :)

Cherrie said...

You go girl.....work your thang. hehehe......I have been trying to walk so you never know. Good luck ....

Trina said...

Okay, I have to say that Sis. Lori, above, recommeded this place called www.thedailyplate.com ....Ummmm loving it!!! Im so excited! That is just the coolest thing I have seen in a long time. Go check it out for yourself! Sometimes it really is about just getting back to the basics. This truly takes the guess work out of it for you. Thanks again Lori!