Friday, March 02, 2007

Melancholy Mood

Well I did it again, I say that I'm not going to write, and then I feel to post.

Den and I went to the coffee shop, that is in the next town over. Den decided we should grab a hot drink, and a rich piece of chocolate cake. Lately, he has been craving chocolate, but I told him it's because he's stressed. When you're stressed your body craves magnesium, which is found in chocolate. (A little educational moment for all...hehehe)

The coffee shop was quiet. Only one other couple was sitting at a table, talking quietly over their coffee. Den and I sat a few tables down from them, placidly thinking and listening to the music that was quietly serenading us in the background. He decided to call his brother to see how his day was and to talk about life, and I let my mind wander, as I peered out the large picture window.

The snow was quietly and tenderly falling from the sky. It made me feel melancholy, and go deeper into my heart and into my mind. I feel like I have prayed and fasted more in the last few weeks than I have for several years. All this humbleness, in hopes that God will show us, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what His intentions are for us. Knowing, however, that God never speaks in a language that is very easy to understand, and rarely in a timely manner that makes it smooth sailing. I lack patience, and God seems to stretch me in this area again and again. It never feels good, but it is always good for me.

I could see that Den was heavy burdened. His eyes weren't dancing as they usually do, he needed comfort. I could scrape up words to assure him that all would work out, but secretly I worried as well. We are preparing ourselves for a move. We feel the call, but we don't know where or when, as of yet. Everything that we have been building will be left behind, to start anew. It seems to be his spiritual purpose again and again, and I want to be that helpmeet to him. I want to support His calling, and be strong.

However, there were times in the last few weeks that I wasn't so stoic. I would awake in the morning, knowing that these powerful feelings would press on my mind. All the more reason to pray pray pray, I guess. Eventually, this phase will be a distant memory, lined up like so many old memories that have made us who we are today. It's just making them a faded memory that is painstaking. I guess the Lord will have to help me through another time of being uprooted. What doesn't kill me, will make me stronger in the end.


momto3blessings said...

Very good post. I just wish there was a clear answer for you. I know it will be clear soon. It is just hard to have patience and wait on God.

I have this saying on my fridge on a little card. It has been there for about 7 years . And it always reassures me. It reads
"while Im waiting God is working"

Im still praying for you guys.

Trina said...

Awww I love that saying! I will keep that in my heart Cheryl!

Trina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cherrie said...

I was so glad to go to your post and read something. yaaaa My heart was glad to see you there. I know that God has a wonderful work for you guys and he will show you soon. Just remember he know what he's doing even if we don't he always has a plan for us. lol you friend.

Rebecca said...

Wow, this is the first time in my whole blog reading experience that someone's writing brought me to tears. A very moving post. I have been lurking for some time now. Thank you for sharing your sweet spirit.

Steff said...

First, I love Cheryl's saying too! I think I may even put it on my fridge. :)

Secondly, I hope that you will find God's peace about this situation. His will won't send you where you would be unhappy. If it is His calling, you can bet that He has something wonderful in store!

Take heart, friend! You're in my prayers!

Flawed & Disorderly said...

I hope you receive the answers you're waiting for soon! I KNOW how hard it is to wait for God to show you the way instead of making a way for yourself.

But I wanted to tell you your family is beautiful and I LOVE what Lindsay did for your blog! So cute!

Nicki said...

Trina, change is so hard, isn't it? Especially, hard when we are not exactly wanting/understanding it. His plans are not always our plans, but I know, that you know, His plans are always the best. I pray that you and Den will be able to come to some clarity in what it is that He wants you to do. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs to you!

meNmykids said...

I love to hear of those that pray for guidance in where and when to be. I know that change is hard, leaving behind what might have been to face what will be. Thank God that we don't have to build our own ways, He does it for us and He will continue to make you the person that He wants you to be, where and when. I'll still be praying for you.

Just Being Me said...

Trina -
I've been where you were. It's never easy to move or go to a new place and start over. Where we are now is our second major move. Our families are back in NY and we're in WA. Change ... not a fun word.

In Jer. 29:11 it says:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to proper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

In times of change in my life this verse gives me comfort. I will pray for you and your family for clear direction.

Anna said...

Gosh, that's a tough one! Sometimes trusting in God can be SO difficult for me. I know deep down that He always does what is truly best for us...but thats just not always so clear at the present time...ya know? I hope you get the answers you need, and I pray for your stresses to be lifted! Hang in there. =)

Cherrie said...


marykathryn said...

Okay well you already know my thoughts and feelings, so I'm just gonna leave you with a simple..
We Love You Guys!!!!

Kim in Idaho said...

Well, another example of one way you and your sister are similar. I know God will show you where you should be and you both will be a great comfort to them. I have been there (dont get me wrong, I am not saying we are a comfort where we are) We moved from CA to Idaho. My husband had a disire in this place. When we would come visit he would cry going home because God had put a longing in his heart. I had to leave so many that I loved and my family and move away. I wasn't that excited about it. My closest friends called it my "vacation" in hopes that calling it that would somehow mean I would be moving back. I knew when we pulled away, I would not live there again. It has now be 4 years. They have flown by. We have been through so much learning. God has shown us many things that I wouldnt trade and if we lived where we did, I would have never learned them. God will put a desire and longing in your heart. Be a comfort to your companion. So much falls on their shoulders. (I know you will) Love you!

The Martin's said...

I thought I had commented already, I probably wrote it completely out to be interupted by my dear, sweet, children to never hit Publish.

I enjoyed Nadine's comment on my blog when she refered to the word change as the "c" word. And I could just imagine the "c" word being said in a low whisper around my house too. My heart goes out to you sis and I do know that change or the "c" word can bring about much blessings when done in the Lord and in His time. We are still praying over here and we love you lots.

Love, Me

Anonymous said...

I truely understand and I'm praying that God will show you in his time. Patience is a virtue :)
In the meantime just remember to take it one day at a time. Love ya,

Tiany said...

I have missed you greatly! I miss all you wonderful friends that left HSB :-(

I have to change your addys on my blog so I can visit more often.

I can only imagine what you are going through right now not knowing what lies ahead. I am praying for you and your family, praying that gods perfect will be done and that you will receive the desires of your heart!

Oh and your basket is on the way LOL two months late but on the way, same address I hope :-)

Hugs & Blessings,

Anonymous said...

Trina, wow. What a mysterious adventure awaits you. I have lived where I do looong after I wanted to move back "home". But I know that this is where my place is right now. It's hard. I am always melancholy after a trip to see my family because they feel so very far away. And yet, life here has had its goodness. This is where my beautiful son was born. This is where I married. This is where my hard-working husband has a job! I am very curious to see where your hearts will lead you. I am excited and nervous for you. You always make the best of everything. It is a beautiful trait that you have. You will bring joy and comfort wherever you go. I will pray for you and Dennis to have clarity and wisdom in this. Much love, Elise

Michelle said...

Just wanted to stop by and send ya some {{{hugs}}} I read this post a couple of days ago but was unable to comment~ you have been on my mind! love ya girl! Michelle